Australian UFO Files Mysteriously Missing

Everybody who knows anything about UFO's knows that a vast government conspiracy exists to maintain their secrecy. As was subversively revealed to mass audiences by Dan Aykroyd's character in the film Sneakers:

So the first meeting between President Eisenhower and the alien visitor happened in 1954. Ike said, "Sure, we'll give you all the cow lips you want, just give us your technology." And that was when the cattle mutilations started up.

Those are among the many secrets we're not being told by the people in power. The United States Government is hiding alien bodies from the Roswell Incident. It's building its own vehicles based on flying saucer technology at Area 51 - or was, until the place was exposed by a Discovery Channel documentary. It's covering up ongoing abductions, experiments, and probings by the enigmatic Grays. And every other government in the world has its own files detailing sightings, reports, and investigations of these bizarre phenomena, some of which undoubtedly point to the inescapable conclusion that space aliens are indeed among us.

That is, except for Australia.

As it turns out, the Australian military seems to have misplaced its records of UFO investigations dating back many years.

After a two-month search in response to a newspaper Freedom of Information (FOI) request, which forces government officials to release documents of public interest, Australia's Department of Defence had been unable to locate the files, the Sydney Morning Herald said.

"The files could not be located and Headquarters Air Command formally advised that this file is deemed lost," the department's FOI assistant director, Natalie Carpenter, told the paper. Defence officials could not be contacted by Reuters.

The only file Defence had been able to locate was a folder called: "Report on UFOs/Strange Occurrences and Phenomena in Woomera," a military weapons testing range in the center of Australia's vast outback, Carpenter said.

All other files had been lost or destroyed, which the Herald said could fuel conspiracy theories about their disappearance.

The single remaining file detailed a sketchy series of sightings from around the country and overseas, including people living in towns near Woomera, in South Australia state.

Obviously this means that the Australian military has something to hide. Its own UFO-based aircraft could be patrolling the globe as we speak, invisible to radar and capable of flying at hypersonic speeds. It's lizard-friendly outback may be serving as a resort spa for the fiendish Reptilians. Or maybe the truth is that Australia just happens to be a really good source of cow lips and its economy thrives on this illicit interplanetary trade.

With the cunning destruction of those incriminating files, none of us will ever know. But the truth is still out there.