Unleash the Beast

I first came across this image awhile back and figured that it had to be a joke. The "skeptic society" tag at the bottom sold the deal; it had to be a parody of how the irrational thought processes of conspiracy theorists associate all sorts of coincidental nonsense with grand, evil plans.

I kept a copy because I thought it was funny, but as it turns out it's not some made-up spoof. Apparently, sincere conspiracy theorists actually believe that the Biblical account of the apocalypse is really all about a brand of energy drink. As implausible as that last sentence sounds, now there's a video that's been making the rounds on the Internet.

There are a couple of things I completely fail to understand about this concept. Let's say that all the "symbolism" is deliberate. Does it matter? As a practicing occultist I can tell you that it takes a lot more to enchant something than writing a few Hebrew letters on it - you know, if that's even what they are. So drinking out of a can with some symbols on it is not going to harm anyone.

And let's say that Monster Energy is really what the prophecies in the Book of Revelation are all about. That sure would constitute a whole lot of effort on the part of God, John of Patmos, and the church to make sure people knew ahead of time that this particular energy drink would exist. If this is indeed the case, wouldn't it make more sense if God's been putting us on the whole time with this apocalypse business?

"Two thousand years of hype, and there you go! It comes in a can!" Cue celestial laughter.