Dave Chappelle's Illuminati Clone

Is this guy the coolest Illuminati clone ever, or what?

Scott Adams of Dilbert fame once published a list of all the reasons that "you are dumb." One of those was something to the effect of "reaching bizarre conclusion with no actual evidence," and as an example he gave "My car won't start. I'm certain that the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns." Today's story isn't exactly that, but it's close. It concerns comedian Dave Chappelle, who according to an unnamed "cousin" was murdered and replaced with a clone (a fully-grown, adult one, mind you) by the Illuminati. No, really!

According to his cousin who does not wish to be named, it was not long after the Oprah interview that Dave Chappelle was killed and cloned. The way they did it was by luring him back into the Hollywood executive office, back to the round table of exec types who push the Hollywood agenda, by offering him his show back, with full creative license to Dave. Sounds too good to be true, but Dave fell for it. It was his love for the show that did him in.

His cousin warned him, “don’t do it, it’s a trap.” But Dave wanted to believe. Dave promised his cousin that he would call her right after the meeting with the executives. She never received and still has not received that phone call. She tried calling his cell shortly after the meeting. Someone else picked up, a stranger’s voice, who told her that Dave was not there and hung up. She tried again and the phone became disconnected.

She believes the Illuminati took Dave to an underground base where they sampled his DNA and murdered him. Then through the use of something called organic robotoid cloning, they grew a new Dave in a matter of hours. Now with clones, they are going to look similar but not exact. They had this problem before where family members recognize that the person coming home to them is not their loved one. Oddly enough, Putin’s ex-wife testified about this same thing, a few years back. Since they knew Dave’s wife and kids would not be fooled by the clone Dave, they killed and cloned them as well.

Serious question. It is accepted as a given by Illuminati conspiracy theorists that the Illuminati have access to the technology that the CIA developed under the MK-Ultra program, and the technology works. So tell me why it makes any sense to invest what you would have to invest to develop a means of cloning human beings as adults. Nodody has ever cloned an animal as an adult successfully. Human beings may have been cloned illicitly by groups like the Raelians, even though most experts think they made those claims up, but unlike in comic books any such clone starts out as a baby and has to grow up the normal way.


And even if you could clone a body, how would you get enough information into your clone's brain that he or she could even function? Humans have high neotony (that is, it takes us so long to grow up) for a reason - it takes a long time to naturally assimilate all the information that it takes to function as a reasonable adult, let alone know enough about a particular person's life to even sort of pass as a duplicate. You would need some sort of memory transfer technology, which would also have to be developed specifically for your cloning program.

Getting back to my initial statement - why bankrupt your organization developing all the science necessary to create these sorts of clones when you already have perfect brainwashing technology that can edit conditioning? There's nothing in any of these claims that, even if they are completely true, rules that out. Conditioning can change body language. Conditioning can affect memories. Conditioning can make a person seemed stressed or in the middle of a nervous breakdown or a million other things. So seriously, there are no clones.

In the real world MK-Ultra failed. The program was based ideas that are fundamentally wrong, such as the Jungian idea that "complexes" could be created that acted like separate personalities. Since memory doesn't work like that, it doesn't matter how many psychedelics they shot people up with - it was never going to do what they wanted it to do (the "Manchurian Candidate" idea, as dramatized in the famous film). Also in the real world, "Illuminati" is a terrible term for finance douchebags because it implies things that just aren't true, like the idea that, say, Goldman-Sachs is full of occultists. Assholes, sure, but not occultists.

Now here's I think really happened. Chappelle never liked the cousin who reported this story. When he came back from Africa, he decided that his life was just too short to spend with toxic people, even if they were his relatives. So he answered the phone in a funny voice to blow this person off, and then pretended not to recognize them. The fact that said cousin concluded that he had to be a clone based only on those two experiences should tell you everything you need to know about why Chappelle has decided to keep his distance.

I'll bet the cousin owes him money, too. Or at least was looking to borrow some.