Augoeides

Sunday, June 7, 2020

Paula White Versus Demonic Protesters

Donald Trump may have lost Pat Robertson, but I suspect hell will freeze over (and yeah, I know there's supposed to be a frozen hell too so this figure of speech is not even remotely theologically correct, but whatever) before he loses his spiritual advisor Paula White. White's advice for Trump in response to the recent protests was to recruit an army of exorcists to battle the protesters, who were (of course) possessed by demons.

Spiritual shyster Paula White has rushed to congratulate President Donald Trump after he tear-gassed Washington, D.C. protesters just to get a photo op of him holding a bible. White claimed that Trump’s move conferred special spiritual power on him.

“When God looked down from heaven and saw an American president holding a bible up, he automatically conferred spiritual leadership powers that would allow Trump to crush the army of demonic protesters,” said White in a press release.

She also suggested that Trump conscript preachers skilled in exorcism to help battle the protests. “Many of these protesters are possessed by riot and disobedience demons,” she added.

No, they're totally not. I say that as a practicing magician who is quite familiar with conjuring demons. I'll counter with a question. What the heck are "riot" and "disobedience" demons? Do you have names? Sigils? Because otherwise I'm thinking the whole concept is bullshit.

And yes, I'm only playing dumb there. I am well-aware of the fundamentalist Christian worldview in which every little thing that deviates from polite conformity at the local church brunch is supposed to be caused by demons. Like right now, they would probably say I'm possessed by a "demon of snark." Except this is just me being snarky, because that's what I'm like.

The very idea that a "demon of snark" would even exist is frankly kind of scary - and not because it scares me, but because of what it says about them. How does their god even function without a sense of humor? I know, far more prominent people than me have asked that question. It confuses me that anyone would follow a god who thinks jokes are evil.

To be fair, I should point out that Paula White is considered extreme by even other fundamentalist and prosperity gospel preachers, most of whom I already have nothing nice to say about. The frightening thing here is that she's a nut, and she has Trump's ear.

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