Dinosaur Tantra

So this is a real thing in the world. Actor David Joyner, who played Barney the Dinosaur in the popular children's television program, is now a tantric sex guru. More accurately, he practices what some folks have dubbed "neo-tantra," the New Age system of sacred sexuality that actually doesn't have very much in common with authentic Tantric Buddhism. Regardless of what you call it, though, it's a pretty big career change.

American actor David Joyner, 52, told Vice that his decade-long stint playing a dancing purple dinosaur was helpful for his current career. “The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” Joyner said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love."

Joyner only accepts female clients for his services, and charges $350 for a four-hour session. On his website, Joyner, a former software analyst offers clients the chance to reach "a higher and more blissful state of awareness [of their] sexuality." According to Vice, Joyner believes this "blissful state" is best achieved through unprotected penetrative sex, and claims that condoms "block the energy".

He reportedly asks clients to declare whether they have any sexually transmitted diseases, and sign a consent form, before their sessions. "Lisa", an anonymous source contacted by Vice, said she had been one of his regular clients for three years, after first making contact with him through the dating app Tinder. She added that she had sexual intercourse with Joyner during their third session, and described the experience as a "spiritual awakening".

There already is such a thing as dolphin tantra that apparently was directly transmitted from aliens in the Pleiades - without any real explanation of how dolphins evolved in parallel on some other world over four hundred light years away. Can dinosaur tantra be far behind? I do realize that Joyner is not actually out there working with his tantra clients while dressed as a giant purple dinosaur, but you have to admit it's a pretty hilarious image.