California "Shaman" Charged for Wildfires

If this article is to be believed, it sounds like Florida Man has some competition. A self-proclaimed "shaman" from California is being charged with starting several of the wildfires that have recently been ravaging the state. According to court documents, she was trying to boil bear urine - so she could drink it. She claims she was unable to start a fire and drank the urine anyway, while authorities allege that she did start a fire and it got out of control. You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Alexandra Souverneva, 30, could be sentenced to up to nine years if convicted of starting the Fawn fire, according to officials. The blaze has destroyed roughly 41 homes and 90 small structures while endangering another 2,340, officials said.

Souverneva pleaded not guilty but is now reportedly thought to have ignited several fires across California. The self-proclaimed shaman said she had been hiking to Canada as the blaze approached Shasta County on Wednesday, documents noted.

When she became thirsty and approached a puddle of what she claimed to be bear urine, she told forest officials she attempted to make a fire to purify it. The wood she hoped to use was "too wet for the fire to start," documents said. Souverneva then drank the animal urine and proceeded on her journey, according to the report.

She allegedly became caught in some brush and had to call the local fire department for assistance. The firefighters requested she empty her pockets and fanny pack, to which she presented CO2 canisters, a lighter, and "a green, leafy substance she admitted to smoking that day," California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection officer Matt Alexander said.

One of the things that drives me nuts about New Agers and "shamanism" is that the term has shifted from meaning a particular style of magick to meaning drug use. That's not to say entheogens have no place in magick, even if they aren't my thing. But just getting high is not the same thing. Magick is a specific technology employing consciousness to accomplish particular objectives - and I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of situations where that objective should have anything to do with drinking bear urine.

Karma, But Not How You Think

Well, maybe not "you" personally. But definitely a lot of people.

The New Age version of karma comes from Theosophy, in which the real Eastern idea of karma got combined with the idea of "sin" from Christianity. In the United States, this is where the "pop culture" idea of karma comes from. Basically, you have a list of good actions (virtues) and bad actions (sins), just like in Christianity. But instead of being rewarded or punished in the afterlife, these actions are rewarded and punished right away. So if you do a bad thing one day, the next day something unpleasant will happen to you.

In Buddhism, karma doesn't work anything like that. It simply describes the law of cause and effect - stuff like I decide to put off going to the gas station longer than I should, and the karma of that is the risk of running out of gas. Or in social situations, if I treat someone badly they will eventually catch on and start treating me badly. The point is that in the original version of karma the outcomes are directly related to the actions taken in entirely mundane ways, whereas in the pop culture version they are mysteriously coupled by "goodness" and "badness" as defined according to an external ethical schema.

Now here's the story. Folks online are sharing this as "karma in action." I agree, but not the way they are thinking. This has nothing to do with the universe sending a fire truck to kill this person because racism is bad. I mean, racism is bad, but that has nothing to do with this accident.

A North Carolina woman who became infamous for multiple racist incidents caught on video has died after being struck by a fire truck. Rachel Dawn Ruit suffered fatal injuries after she was struck Monday by an emergency vehicle, just days after her arrest for a racist attack on a teenage girl and Muslim woman, reported WLOS-TV.

What Karma Looks Like

Going over the results of Tuesday's midterms I came across another example that might be of interest to Augoeides readers and magical practitioners in general. It may not sound like it at first, but bear with me. I'll explain further after the pull quote. Yesterday Wisconsin governor Scott Walker lost by a narrow margin. Wisconsin is right next door to my home state of Minnesota, so I've been following Walker for years and can't stand the guy. I'm very happy that he lost. The point that is relevant to this post, though, is that he can't ask for a recount precisely because of a law he passed after the 2016 election.

Scott Walker, Wisconsin's Republican governor, was ousted from office in the state's closest gubernatorial race in more than 50 years in Tuesday's midterm elections, and he won't be able to ask for a recount because of a law he put in place. With 99% of precincts reporting on Wednesday morning, the Democrat Tony Evers narrowly led Walker, 49.6% to 48.4%, according to The Associated Press. The gap was 1.2 percentage points, or about 31,000 votes out of the more than 2.6 million cast in the election.

After President Donald Trump won Wisconsin by just 23,000 votes in 2016, Walker signed into law a measure mandating that recounts would be allowed only when candidates are projected to be within 1 percentage point of each other. The law triggers a free recount if the margin is 0.25 percentage points or less. When it's between 0.25 and 1 points, the candidate projected to lose must petition and pay for a recount.

That, my friends, is an accurate example of karma, a term that gets thrown around a lot by New Agers who don't really understand it. Karma does NOT mean that if you do "good" or "nice" things, unrelated "good" or "nice" things will happen to you because of some spooky spiritual principle. Karma is simply about the law of cause and effect. It means that if you create a change in the world of whatever sort, for good or ill, what you have to deal with are the direct consequences of that change. There's nothing spooky about it, no "I refused to help an old lady across the street yesterday and today my car won't start" - that is, unless said old lady sabotaged your car.

Walker passed a law limiting recounts in his state. The consequence for him is that he has to run for office in a state with limited recounts, which just backfired on him. When contemplating the consequences of magical actions taken to transform your world, this is what you need to take into account in order to successfully navigate karmic conditions. You should be as sure as you can be about what the consequences of that change will be, so you can be equally sure that you want to live with them before you make it happen.

Dinosaur Tantra

So this is a real thing in the world. Actor David Joyner, who played Barney the Dinosaur in the popular children's television program, is now a tantric sex guru. More accurately, he practices what some folks have dubbed "neo-tantra," the New Age system of sacred sexuality that actually doesn't have very much in common with authentic Tantric Buddhism. Regardless of what you call it, though, it's a pretty big career change.

American actor David Joyner, 52, told Vice that his decade-long stint playing a dancing purple dinosaur was helpful for his current career. “The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” Joyner said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love."

Joyner only accepts female clients for his services, and charges $350 for a four-hour session. On his website, Joyner, a former software analyst offers clients the chance to reach "a higher and more blissful state of awareness [of their] sexuality." According to Vice, Joyner believes this "blissful state" is best achieved through unprotected penetrative sex, and claims that condoms "block the energy".

He reportedly asks clients to declare whether they have any sexually transmitted diseases, and sign a consent form, before their sessions. "Lisa", an anonymous source contacted by Vice, said she had been one of his regular clients for three years, after first making contact with him through the dating app Tinder. She added that she had sexual intercourse with Joyner during their third session, and described the experience as a "spiritual awakening".

There already is such a thing as dolphin tantra that apparently was directly transmitted from aliens in the Pleiades - without any real explanation of how dolphins evolved in parallel on some other world over four hundred light years away. Can dinosaur tantra be far behind? I do realize that Joyner is not actually out there working with his tantra clients while dressed as a giant purple dinosaur, but you have to admit it's a pretty hilarious image.

Magick as a Fashion Statement

Stupid fashion trends come and go all the time. Sometimes they're not even trends, but rather one reporter's idea of things that are becoming more popular based on his or her limited personal experience. According to this article from Salon, a new trend that the article dubs "mysticore" is starting to emerge. Essentially, it apparently consists of something that I have expressed contempt for on multiple occasions - the appropriation of elements from real magick as fashion statements.

Stores specializing in metaphysical sundries (think ritual candles, blended oils, sacred herbs) like Spellbound Sky and House of Intuition in Los Angeles, while not brand-new, are suddenly crowded. In Brooklyn, Witches of Bushwick has evolved from a venue on the underground party circuit to a social collective that celebrates witchcraft as a feminist art and collaborates with fashion companies like Chromat. Of course, for those who prefer whipping up potions at home, several new witch- and occult-themed subscription boxes deliver the magical arts to the doorstep.

Not just witches are enjoying a cultural renaissance, though. All manner of magic is in the air, as the New Age movement’s lighter granola-and-Zen fare has given way to the practice of a more modern mysticism, where conversations about conjuring, personal shamans and powerful potions can be intense as they are ubiquitous. While social media and feminism have brought witchcraft to the fore, the new kaleidoscopic array of spell casting, ritual observing (from pagan holidays to full moons) and crystal charging draws from traditional mysticism, magic and paganism. Served buffet style to an eager audience of open-minded converts, it’s shining a white light on everything from fashion and health to politics.

This may be the most prevalent, hidden-in-plain sight trend that you couldn’t quite put a finger on since “normcore.” Last fall the folks at trend-forecasting firm K-Hole — which coined the term “normcore” — looked into the cultural crystal ball to release a paper dubbed “A Report on Doubt.” Normcore, that infinitely hashtag-able trend that tapped into a “post-authenticity coolness that opts into sameness,” stood against style clichés and aggressive street-style peacocking — it promised freedom through assimilation. After an endless stream of articles about how wearing dad jeans was indeed the ultimate hipster power move, time had come for the cultural pendulum to swing. K-Hole’s new prediction was that logic and “sameness” were becoming relics and people were about to head into the mystic.

As a point, I'm not even sure that "normcore" was a real fashion trend. I mean, how is "not bothering" fashion? It's highly possible that the firm coining the term was simply tracking the decline of fashion's relevance to the culture as a whole. So they identified that more people had stopped caring. To me, that just sounds like people wising up to the fact that going to a lot of trouble to look a certain way is basically bullshit. If you look relatively ordinary, you usually will have a lot more opportunities for success in your life.

No Fire-Walking Selfies!

Generally speaking, there's nothing mystical or magical about fire-walking. Back in the 1970's a lot of New Age folks pitched it that way, until scientists tested the process and found out that it isn't actually that dangerous at all so long as you do it right. The key is to move across the coals at just the right rate of speed. If you go too slow your feet will get burned by making contact for too long, and if you go too fast your feet will get burned because as you step they sink too far into the coals.

Motivational speaker Tony Robbins has been a big promoter of fire-walking for decades, and teaches people to do it at his seminars as a way of conquering their fears. Robbins has been pretty successful at this over the years, especially considering how many people he runs through the process. But at one of his recent seminars in Texas, forty people suffered burns trying to walk across the coals.

So what went wrong in Dallas? Probably the same thing that happened at the 2012 San Jose seminar. You have to set up a scientific experiment correctly to get the best results, and for something like fire walking there’s not much margin for error. Those who got burned probably lingered just a bit too long on the hot coals, the better to, say, snap a selfie of their moment of enlightenment.

That seems to be borne out by witness statements. “From my observation, there was someone in front of us and someone behind us on their cell phone, taking selfies and taking pictures,” Jacqueline Luxemberg, a participant who did the firewall and emerged unscathed, told WFAA. “[She asked others] to video record for her, so I think that that has a lot to do with it.”

So should you ever decide to attempt a fire walking stunt yourself, remember: walk (don’t run), make sure the coals have burned down sufficiently, don’t wet your feet beforehand, and try not to strike too long a pose for that selfie. Oh, and have some ice and Vicodin handy, just in case.

So these people really needed to be told that the first rule of fire-walking is "no selfies?" Seriously? You can't stand and pose on hot coals, people. I don't care how much "power within" you think you have. Those coals don't care one way or another. If you stop partway across, you get burned. It's that simple. No magick, no paranormal forces, just science.

I suppose this is a good metaphor for the spiritual journey, though. If the passage across the coals represents walking the path of mystical realization, it strikes me as completely reasonable to point out that stopping for selfies along the way is how you fail.

So Wait, I Missed It?

Nope, not this time either

What if you threw an apocalypse and Augoeides was not there to ridicule it? Would anything happen? Well, okay, to be fair, nothing would happen anyway, ridicule or no ridicule. But I would miss a chance to be all snarky about how of course the whole thing was nonsense from the beginning, and how foolish anyone would be to accept it.

That's apparently what just happened.

Because according to this article from India Times, "scholars" have recently recalculated the date of the so-called Maya Apocalypse, from December 21st of 2012 to... last weekend. The argument is based on the fact that the Julian and Gregorian calendars accounting for leap years, while the Maya calendar apparently does not.

“As far as we know, the people of Mesoamerica, the Maya included, didn’t care about leap years,” Anthony Aveni, an expert in ancient Mesoamerican astronomy at Colgate University told the National Geographic.

“Our philosophy about leap year is a complicated scheme to make the seasons jibe with the calendar,” Aveni said. “They were more concerned that time should be unbroken, not interfered with, and that the count of time should have continuity. To break continuity would be to break order.”

Here is how the fresh calculations predict the date:

There is a 1,260 day difference between the calendars.

The Julian Calendar is 365.25 days which accounts for leap years.

The Gregorian Calendar is 365.2425 days which accounts for leap years as well.

The Egyptian and the Maya Haab Calendar don’t account for leap years. Thus, the Egyptian and Maya Haab Calendar is 365 days! And December 21st, 2012 plus 1,260 days = June 3rd/4th, 2016

So... seeing as nothing happened - again - it's probably just about time we retired this whole Maya Apocalypse concept. Simply put, it's a complete misinterpretation of a tradition that still lives. If you want to know when the Long Count turns over because you aren't sure, there's a much easier way to do it than sitting in a library poring over historical records - just ask a Daykeeper.

These are the Maya who are the keepers of the calendar, trained according to an oral tradition that goes back to before the Spanish conquest. They can still be found in Mexico and Central America, and can give you an authoritative answer - and they all thought that the original apocalypse thing in 2012 was nonsense, a misreading of their calendar by Europeans who did not understand its significance or its symbolism.

It seems to me that if you are trying to ascribe an apocalypse date to a culture that wants nothing to do with it, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut instead of going on about it. It would at least save you further embarrassment, both back in 2012 and this last weekend.

Universe Not a Hologram

From the "duh" files, a new experiment conducted at Fermilab shows that the universe is probably not a hologram. But you already knew that, right? Here's the deal - about two years ago, a computer simulation was set up showing that the complex dynamics found in cosmological models such as string theory could be modeled in only two dimensions and still produce correct results. This was actually a pretty important discovery, as it showed that you don't really need the 11 or 12 dimensions found in string theory to model physical behavior. It validated what I've been saying for a long time, that even if string theory puts forth an accurate model, it's far too baroque and complex to be the best possible representation.

Predictably, New Agers took the announcement of this discovery to proclaim some version of "the universe is a hologram!" which to their way of thinking translated back into their all time favorite tenet, "the universe is an illusion!" But that's not what the simulation implied at all. It just showed that a physical universe with only two dimensions could behave as if it had three or more. Take a look at a hologram sometime. It's true that the third dimension it shows is "illusionary," but the hologram itself is clearly a physical object with fixed properties. Just because the image it shows is created by the dynamics of light, it doesn't mean you can psychically control it with your mind or something.

The Fermilab researchers led by Craig Hogan were looking for signs of constructive or destructive wave interference within the fabric of space itself, using a device called a holometer. This sort of wave interference is what creates the three-dimensional appearance of holograms, and should be present if a third dimension is being projected in a similar manner.

It’s an extremely difficult thing to detect, because there are so many other things that could be mistaken for a jittery signal, including wind and traffic noise. The early signs weren’t promising when the first preliminary results (based on an hour or so of data) came in back in April. So it’s probably not all that surprising that the final analysis proved equally fruitless.

The $2.5 million experiment was controversial from the get-go, with the inventors of the holographic principle counting among the naysayers. So expect to see a bit of schadenfreude making the rounds of the theoretical physics community today. As Sabine Hossenfelder, a physicist at Nordita in Sweden and one of the more outspoken critics of the experiment, tweeted: “Holometer results are out: Nothing. Not surprising, as the idea underlying it is nonsense.”

Slapping Down David Icke

Yes it will, David. Yes it will.

David Icke is something of a laughing-stock among serious occultists, but a lot of other people do buy his books. Icke has basically made a name for himself by claiming that the wealthy individuals and families who by and large control the global economy are in fact shape-shifting reptilian aliens. As I've commented before, what's so bizarre about this is not that a global elite exists, but rather the idea that they can't possibly be human.

Icke also fills his books with allegations of "Satanic" activity by said elites, which as I have also pointed out here is basically ridiculous. The global elite is not made up of occultists, Satanic or otherwise. Occultism is a fringe discipline practiced by those who don't have the financial resources to shape the world at the geopolitical level. Why go through the process of developing magical powers when money can get most jobs done more efficiently?

Icke recently was forced to settle a lawsuit brought by a Canadian human rights lawyer, who was accused of seeking to suppress the author's exposure of (non-existent) "Satanic child abuse and murder" in one of his books. Needless to say, the allegations were found to be entirely false.

“He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy” were the words Richard Warman, a Canadian human rights lawyer, quoted after being paid £117,000 in compensation for lies published by conspiracy author David Icke in his 2001 book Children of the Matrix.

In an embarrassing defeat David Icke quietly settled out of court for indefensible statements he had written about Warman, which included false allegations that Warman was seeking to suppress Icke’s purported exposure of Satanic child abuse and murder.

David Icke is not shy of making allegations, often vicious and vitriolic in nature, about people on his website DavidIcke.com. However, it is noted that Icke hasn’t mentioned this recent defeat anywhere, despite having previously widely publicise it to his readers and appeal to them for monetary donations for a legal defence fund.

Theosophical Karma as Toxic Synthesis

Moloch has a good article up discussing the concepts of karma and the "threefold law" as put forth by many Wiccans. I would expand that scope a bit, since the concept of karma he's talking about reaches much of the modern esoteric scene. For example, the vast majority of New Agers seem to subscribe to it as well, and their numbers are much larger than those of Wicca. Furthermore, a lot of modern witches eschew the concept entirely, or treat it as a guideline rather than a law.

Moloch covers how this concept of karma made its way into Western esotericism by way of Theosophy and how it doesn't actually make much sense and gets applied in silly ways. I agree with all of that. But let me be clear - I'm not writing this to denigrate the concept of karma as it actually exists in Eastern religions such as Buddhism. In fact, the Theosophical version of karma is entirely different. It's what I call a toxic synthesis, a combination of Eastern and Western ideas that results in something far worse than the principles that it combines.

In Buddhism, karma simply refers to the law of cause and effect. Buddhism teaches emptiness of phenomena as the key to avoiding attachment. But karma points out that, for example, even if you can "realize the emptiness" of a bus speeding towards you, it's still likely to kill you if you don't get out of the way. Likewise, you can "realize the emptiness" of polite social interaction, but if you treat other people badly they'll eventually decide that you're an asshole and start avoiding you. So this form of Buddhist karma is eminently practical. It has nothing to do with mysterious retribution wreaked by "the universe" for misdeeds.

That's where Theosophy comes in.

A Victim of Drunken Channeling

Channeling as a form of alleged spiritual communication is one of the foundational practices of many New Age religious movements. One of the most successful of these channelers is J. Z. Knight, who claims to channel a spirit who calls himself Ramtha. Knight's group was behind the New Age film What the Bleep Do We Know?, which did quite well in theaters for an independent documentary even though most of the scientists who appeared in it stated that their comments had been taken out of context.

Years ago the joke in the occult community was that Ramtha was pretty much a "master of the obvious" who somehow managed to collect huge speaking fees. I never could understand the appeal of paying thousands of dollars to hear anyone, spirit or not, deliver insightful life lessons like "Love one another!" Clearly, though, I just don't get it, because Ramtha books outsell mine and Knight's organization is both large and wealthy.

At any rate, the latest controversy surrounding Knight/Ramtha clearly demonstrates why channeling is best done sober. Back 2011 Knight took a shot at it while drinking, and the "Ramtha" she contacted let loose a tirade of racist and homophobic declarations. Sometimes contacting spirits does go disastrously wrong, but Knight's problem now is not only that this incident occurred, but that it was posted online.

These are not the kind of cosmic revelations that have drawn students to Knight for 38 years. For the most part, RSE students are thoughtful and well-educated, not apt to embrace a bigoted guru. For decades, the message had been more about finding the god within than disparaging minorities, and the blend of science and New Age Gnosticism made J.Z. Knight millions well before the drunken homophobic, anti-Catholic, anti-Semitic racist rants began to make their way into her preachings.

What happened at RSE would have stayed at RSE had it not been for the Internet. In 2012, livestreamed videos of Ramtha’s hate speech were posted to the Web, first by ex-students Virginia Coverdale and David McCarthy, then by a libertarian-leaning think tank called the Freedom Foundation that is based in Olympia. The excerpts from that wine ceremony left Thurston County residents shocked and wondering if there was a more sinister side to their kooky neighborhood cult.

What the Heck is "Onionhead?"

I generally consider myself pretty savvy about new religious movements, but I had no idea that this one even existed. Three former employees of a health care company in New York have filed suit claiming that they were discriminated against after criticizing and refusing to take part in practices of the "Onionhead" religion that had infiltrated their workplace.

The suit identifies a cost containment official, “Denali,” as the leader of Onionhead practices at the company. Former employees Elizabeth Ontaneda, Francine Pennisi, and Faith Pabon said Denali retaliated against them when they balked at attending one-on-one sessions with her to discuss “divine plans” and “moral codes.”

Pennisi said she spoke out against Onionhead at a company meeting, suggesting the practices violated her Catholic beliefs, and she claims she was moved from her office and replaced by Denali with a large statue of Buddha. The suit claims Denali blamed “demons” for Ontaneda’s and Pennisi’s resistance to Onionhead.

All three women were demoted and later fired, the suit claims. Denali Jordan, who identified herself as an independent consultant to the company, denied Onionhead was a religion.

That's funny, it sure sounds like one! It talks about divine plans and demons, and includes prayer circles and thanking God. A little more research turned up that basically, "Onionhead" is a sort of New Age theosophy-light type religious system that has some overlap with the self-help market. It clearly fits the definition of a religion, as it consists of a codified set of beliefs that pertain to spiritual forces and the like.

The organization's website is incredibly hokey and filled with New Age platitudes and self-help acronyms, but it also seems that they do some good charity work. And maybe I'm reading their materials wrong, but it sounds like the founders of the system would be appalled at employees being demoted and fired over acceptance of its principles. From the site:

We call upon schools, churches and aligned nonprofit organizations to work with us closely to help children and adults re-connect to their feelings. Our goal is to see our tools and materials distributed to each and every person who needs them, no matter the age or circumstance. Through this mandate, we firmly believe we will see a decrease in violence, suicide, depression, addiction and we will see an increase in love, respect, honor, peace and happiness.

It sounds like either this is complete nonsense, or the people pushing this stuff at the company don't understand it. Demoting and then firing employees who disagree with your religious beliefs is pretty much diametrically opposed to the principles of "love, respect, honor, peace and happiness."

The New Age BS Generator

Have you ever wondered where manufacturers of New Age products come up with the gibberish that passes for deep and meaningful statements to members of their target audience? If so, look no further. This webpage cleverly automates the process of generating New Age copy, and the results don't appear to differ much from the real thing. It's not a Markov chain; as far as I can tell the underlying logic is more like a set of Mad Libs mixed with randomly selected sentence fragments. So it holds together just like real promo text does, and it can be adapted to any product or service with a few small modifications.

As an example, let's say that I was looking to convince New Agers that they needed to buy my books on Enochian magick. That would be pretty smart of me if I could pull it off, because as far as I can tell Enochian magicians number in perhaps the thousands but New Agers are legion. And hey, I do talk about working with angels. New Agers love angels! Here's the text that the generator came up with, modified a little to refer to my Enochian books. The bold text is what I inserted, the rest is automatically generated.

The goal of electromagnetic resonance is to plant the seeds of synchronicity rather than discontinuity.

This is the path of Enochian Magick revealed by Angels.

This life is nothing short of a condensing quantum leap of interstellar presence. We exist as ultra-sentient particles. Consciousness consists of molecular structures of quantum energy. “Quantum” means an evolving of the non-dual.

We are at a crossroads of growth and turbulence. We are in the midst of an endless unfolding of potentiality that will align us with the solar system itself. Our conversations with other entities have led to a deepening of pseudo-self-aware consciousness.

Traveller, look within and awaken yourself. If you have never experienced this ozmosis devoid of self, it can be difficult to self-actualize. It can be difficult to know where to begin.

The Mastering Enochian Magick series will show you the way.

Flow is a constant. Divinity is the healing of intuition, and of us. Nothing is impossible. As you heal, you will enter into infinite health that transcends understanding. Without growth, one cannot grow. You must take a stand against illusion. Pain is born in the gap where empathy has been excluded.

Delusion is the antithesis of truth. We can no longer afford to live with pain. You may be ruled by materialism without realizing it. Do not let it confront the growth of your path.

Buy the Mastering Enochian Magick series by Scott Michael Stenwick today!

Pretty good, right? Clearly, I'll be a New Age success in no time flat! I expect my sales will go stratospheric any moment now...

A suggestion for enhancing the generator might be to automate this process further by accepting the name of a product or company up front and then integrating it into the text, like I did with the subject and title of my book. It shouldn't be that hard to program, as it seems like most of the work should already be done and the name could just be inserted into certain of the "noun" positions. Better still, set it up so the information can be passed as parameters in the URL and return the text, so it can be seamlessly added into any web page.

What the Maya Officially Believe About 2012

I've already mentioned a number of times on this blog that actual Mayans think the whole "2012 apocalypse" being promulgated by the New Age community is ridiculous and has nothing to do with their beliefs. Now there's finally an official announcement to that effect.

Maya alliance spokesman Felipe Gomez has issued a statement to the media explaining how his people interpret the new calendar cycle that begins on December 21 of this year. The statement was issued in response to Westerners attempting to turn a profit off these far-out doomsday predictions in the form of books, films, songs, and even an expensive "doomsday" bike tour.

Doomsday and catastrophic predictions related to the Mayan calendar, which hits a symbolic turning point on Dec. 21, 2012, aren't new. They already permeate pop culture through films, songs and hundreds of books. But as the new year approaches, interest has spiked. A Reuters survey in May found that one in 10 people believe that the Mayan calendar could signify the end of the world in 2012, and 15 percent of people believe the world will end in their lifetime. Web sites and message boards promoting the "Mayan doomsday" date have proliferated, and at least one company is selling $5,300 tickets for a 28-day "La Ruta Maya" bike tour that will begin in Costa Rica and end on Dec. 21 in Belize.

Gomez said the Dec. 21 "doomsday" is actually the beginning of a new time cycle on the Mayan calendar and "means there will be big changes on the personal, family and community level, so that there is harmony and balance between mankind and nature," according to the AFP.

Gomez's told the AFP that his group is organizing what it sees as more respectful and sacred events to mark the turn of the new Mayan calendar in five cities. He suggested that the government instead support these gatherings, the AFP reported.

What The Bleep Do They Know?

I suspect most readers of this blog are at least familiar in passing with the film What The Bleep Do We Know!? Almost a month ago, Jason Miller put up a post discussing five things that we need to "escape the gravity of," with #4 on the list being quantum mechanics as some sort of "proof" of magick and/or paranormal phenomena. This is relevant to the film because What The Bleep is probably most responsible for promulgating that particular idea into the popular culture, despite many complaints from the quantum physicists interviewed that their comments were distorted or taken out of context. Jason is in fact 100% correct and What The Bleep is 100% wrong - there's nothing in quantum mechanics that proves anything with respect to magical phenomena. If there were, quantum mechanics has been around a long time and it's established science, so magick would pretty much be established as well by default. That's how science works.

What The Bleep is filled with a lot of additional nonsense as well. Masura Emoto's "water memory" experiments cannot be replicated under controlled conditions and his experimental methods pretty much scream "selection bias." Human emotions do not behave like addictive chemicals - it's the other way around, since drugs are addictive precisely because they interfere with the brain's chemical messenger system. This idea about emotions seems to have been picked up by advocates of the unscientific twaddle that is "behavioral addiction," since according to those folks you can become addicted to (as opposed to, apparently, just liking) anything you happen to enjoy. And then there's this story from the film, which is so full of fail that I barely know where to begin.

2012 Cultists Await Alien Rescue

I suppose it was inevitable. Now that 2012 is here, stories of 2012 cultists are beginning to appear in the mainstream media. I've commented before on this blog regarding the ridiculousness of the 2012 apocalypse, including conversations Westerners have had with actual practitioners of the Mayan religion. Even though the big deal is supposed to be the end of the current cycle of the Mayan calendar, the Mayans generally have to explain that it has nothing to do with any sort of apocalypse and that Westerners who say so don't understand their beliefs. Anyway, Yahoo News reports today on a French commune made up of New Agers who believe that when the world ends on December 21, 2012, aliens will arrive and transport them to a new civilization. There's no mention in the article on whether or not these are supposed to be Mayan aliens.

An estimated 20,000 New Age believers who say the "upside down" mountain is home to aliens who will rescue them from an impending apocalypse have saturated a small French commune near the foot of the picturesque Pic de Bugarach.

The Independent reports the growing flock, whom locals refer to as "esoterics," believe the world will come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. They also reportedly believe that the unique mountain is in fact home to a race of alien beings that will emerge to rescue the gathered humans and transport them to a new civilization.

Pic de Bugarach has long been famous because rock samples taken from its peak are actually older than points measured at lower elevations. Scientists say that is because when the 1,230-meter (4,040-foot) mountain erupted, its peak flipped upside down before crashing back down upon the mountain's base. The mountain is said to have played a role in inspiring everything from Jules Verne's "Journey to the Center of the Earth" to Steven Spielberg's "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

It seems to me that this should be a simple critical thinking problem. If aliens really do live inside the mountain, why has no one outside the cult detected them yet? Oh, that's right - their advanced technology shields them from detection. Even so, it seems to me that if the 2012 apocalypse is one big misunderstanding, what does that make the beliefs of these cultists? If there's not going to be an apocalypse in the first place, why should the aliens bother showing up?

James Arthur Ray Guilty in Sweat Lodge Deaths

Back in March James Arthur Ray, a New Age guru who teaches a New Thought methodology similar to "The Secret," went on trial for the 2009 deaths of three students during a sweat lodge ceremony he conducted in Sedona, Arizona. Last Wednesday the jury returned its verdict, finding Ray guilty on three counts of negligent homicide.

Prosecutors argued that the lodge, made of willow trees and branches and covered with tarpaulins and blankets, was heated to a perilously high temperature, causing the participants to suffer dehydration and heatstroke. They also said Ray didn't monitor the temperature inside the lodge or the well-being of participants and was indifferent to those clearly having trouble.

Ray's lawyers countered that what happened was a tragic accident, not a crime. They asked witnesses who were in the sweat lodge whether they signed a release form warning them of the dangers. All replied that they signed, but some said they didn't read the form.

Ray's attorneys also suggested that exposure to an unknown toxin in the lodge -- perhaps a pesticide, rat poison or something in the type of wood used to heat the rocks -- could have caused the deaths.

The idea of a pesticide or poison being involved in these deaths is a novel theory, but anyone who has studied forensics knows that when a person is poisoned there's almost always some trace left behind. Rat poison in particular is easy to detect by forensic methods, as it's a readily available household chemical that is nonetheless strong enough to be used as a murder weapon. Pesiticides tend to build up in the body as well, so it's hard to imagine how any of those could kill and then drop to undetectable levels by the time the bodies were autopsied.

A Real Fire-Breathing Preacher

Jonathan Edwards is considered by most historians to have performed one of the earliest examples of "fire and brimstone" preaching. His famous sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," took the whole concept of Christian love and forgiveness and turned it upside-down, inspiring generations of intolerant fundamentalists who endure to this day. While a survey of Edwards' life shows him to have been a more nuanced, moderate, and Enlightenment-minded theologian than his most famous work would suggest, its shocking imagery has generally rendered him a mere caricature to both modern critics and supporters of the Christian faith.

Reverend Andy Salmon, a vicar from Manchester UK, represents a completely different sort of fire-breathing preacher. He literally breathes fire!

The fire-breathing Rev Andy Salmon will be one of the star attractions at a ‘new age’ festival to be held in Manchester Cathedral on May 2.

Traditionalists have raised eyebrows but the 50-year-old Salford vicar, who has used his skills during sermons, said Christians should be open-minded: 'I guess there are some people within the church and outside it who think it should be predictable and safe. But I think the church needs to be searching and asking questions. As Christians we do have beliefs, but we should also be open to exploring human spirituality.'

The event - the Spirit Of Life Festival - will also feature tarot cards, crystal healing and dream interpretation.

Describing his flaming-impressive skills, the dad-of-three added: 'I pull it out of the bag every now and then. Normally, it's for the children's parties but I have used it during sermons when I want to make a point.'

Clearly in performing at such a festival Reverend Salmon marks himself as anything but a traditionalist who might sympathize with Edwards' violent words. But I will say that a well-timed burst of flame in the middle of a church service is guaranteed to make quite an impression!

Sweat Lodge Trial Underway

In October of 2009 I covered the case of James Arthur Ray, a self-help guru who taught a New Thought methodology similar to that popularized in Rhonda Byrne's The Secret. At a "spiritual warrior" retreat in Sedona, Arizona, several of his students were killed as the result of a sweat lodge ceremony gone terribly wrong. Ray is currently on trial in Arizona, charged with three counts of reckless manslaughter. If convicted he could face a long prison term.

They were seekers, not flakes. Doctors, engineers, salespeople, small-business owners -- professionals who paid $10,000 to break down personal barriers they believed kept them from achieving all they could.

But how hard participants in Ray's motivational seminars pushed themselves -- and how intensely Ray pushed his acolytes -- is one of the central questions being examined here in Yavapai County as his trial on manslaughter charges unfolds.

Prosecutors say three spiritual warriors died from the heat after 2½ hours in a sweat lodge on October 8, 2009. Nineteen others collapsed, vomited, had trouble breathing, hallucinated, foamed at the mouth or fell unconscious.

Some of the 55 people who followed Ray into the sweat lodge are now reliving the experience at his criminal trial at a remote desert courthouse far from the magic of Sedona. There are no New Age crystal shops or aura readers here. Roaring lions can be heard from a neighboring safari park.

Ray, a 53-year-old preacher's son, best-selling author and self-help coach, is accused of recklessly causing the deaths of Kirby Brown, 38, of Westtown, New York; Lizbeth Neuman, 49, of Prior Lake, Minnesota; and James Shore, 40, of Milwaukee. If convicted of three counts of reckless manslaughter, he could go to prison for more than 30 years.

"The Secret" Proves Deadly

By now most of you have probably already read about the case of two people who died during a sweat lodge ceremony in Sedona, Arizona at the beginning of this month. Police have announced that they will be investigating the deaths as homicides and are inquiring into whether or not the sponsor of the event, self-help author James Arthur Ray, had any idea of what he was doing in putting together the sweat lodge ceremony.

A search warrant was executed Wednesday at the James Ray International offices in Carlsbad, California, the sheriff said. Authorities were attempting to determine whether documents exist on how to construct sweat lodges and on their proper use, as well as documents showing whether participants were advised of the risks of sweat lodges either before or during the program.

One of the things that I did not realize when I first heard the story is that James Arthur Ray is one of the more prominant individuals teaching the spiritual method that Rhonda Byrne wrote about in "The Secret," a modern interpretation of the New Thought Movement of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries that has recently been embraced as part of New Age theology. New Thought postulates that the universe is made of thought, and as a result you attract positive situations to yourself by thinking positive thoughts and attract negative situations to yourself by thinking negative thoughts. Physics never even enters into the equation.

I've criticized "The Secret" a number of times on this blog, and this case is a perfect example of everything that's wrong with it - what negative thoughts was Ray thinking that killed two of his students and has landed him in the middle of a murder investigation? If the model of the universe proposed by "The Secret" is correct he must have drawn this experience to himself and clearly should not be teaching others because he has not even mastered his own mind. On the other hand, if the postulates that make up "The Secret" are wrong Ray shouldn't be teaching either because the subject matter is bunk.

I'll say it one more time in the hopes of moving my comments further up in the search engine listings. "The Secret" is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of magick. Reality isn't made of thought, reality is made of energy. Thought is less substantial than energy. There's a reason that it's easier to light a fire with a lighter than it is with a thought, even for experienced magical practitioners. That doesn't mean thought is useless for manipulating the physical world, but rather that it is limited in its effectiveness.

My friend Frater Barrabbas posted an article on his blog earlier this month about practical magick. I'll repeat an excerpt from my comment on that article here because it explains the basic truth that "The Secret" completely glosses over.

The laws of probability make the role of mundane action in practical magical operations abundantly clear. To use the lottery example at the beginning of the article, it is possible for a lottery spell to be successful even if the magician doesn't buy a ticket - he or she could, say, happen upon a winning ticket lying on the sidewalk while out for a stroll. It's just that such a thing is very unlikely, much more so than picking a jackpot winning number. If your magical powers are such that you can produce a probability shift of 100 to 1 against or even 1000 to 1 against there's really no point in bothering unless you shift the odds into a more reasonable range by buying a ticket. Similarly, you can do a spell for a better job and there's a possibility that you will just happen to be out at a party or something one evening and meet the right person, but again your odds are a lot better if you send out resumes and go through the usual job-hunting steps in addition to casting a spell.

The key to understanding this is that magick is not all-powerful, despite the fallacious arguments of skeptics that imply if you can do anything paranormal it automatically implies that you can do everything paranormal. In my experience, there is a limit to the probability shift that any given magician can produce and the key to successful practical magick is to take enough mundane actions that your goal falls within that probability range.

The positive visualization advocated by "The Secret" can be useful, but many of the teachers who talk about the method treat it as all-powerful. The idea that any bad circumstance you experience must have been drawn to you by your own negative thinking is a wonderful exercise in victim-blaming that I encourage James Arthur Ray and others to clarify, especially in light of the "circumstances" that Ray apparently "drew to himself" in conducting this deadly sweat lodge ceremony.

My guess is that in this case "The Secret" will prove to be the root of negligence on the part of Ray and his staff. After all, if the universe is made of thought and ruled by good intentions as long as none of the people working on the sweat lodge ceremony wanted anyone to be killed nobody would be, even if serious errors were made in the lodge's construction. Unfortunately for the victims the universe is made of energy, heat is energy, and energy is a lot more tangible than thought.

UPDATE: Just to clarify, in this article I'm using the term "energy" to mean tangible, physical energy - in this particular case heat. I'm not talking about "psychic energy" or "magical energy," which I agree are terms that get thrown around pretty freely among magicians and often don't correspond to anything physical. I think the last sentence makes that pretty clear, but at least a couple of readers seem to have gotten the impression that I was saying "thought is less substantial than psychic energy." Obviously, that's a meaningless statement without some way to physically quantify "psychic energy."