Not What They Think It Means

Normally an article like this one wouldn't rise to my attention here on Augoeides. It's just another conservative group protesting same-sex marriage, which has become pretty run-of-the-mill and increasingly ineffective these days. Perhaps in an effort to step it up, the group has called for a 40-day fast as part of the protest, which sounds pretty hardcore. At least, until you get to this part:

Only the “fasting” part of Fasting and Repentance for Marriage, won’t be as dramatic as one would think. In a follow-up, the group added that they “are asking the entire Body of Christ to join us for this feast – giving up physical food isn’t necessary – but feeding on the spiritual food provided is vital.”

Emphasis added. In other words, you don’t have to really fast, just kind of think of yourself as fasting. You know, go through the motions. It’s official: Family Foundation found the laziest form of protesting possible – protest by imagination.

So what they're calling a "fast" is actually a bunch of people pretending that they're fasting? Because the word "fast" does mean to give up food in some fashion. Some traditions with more nuance than Family Foundation's version of Christianity don't give up fasting entirely, but impose limitations during extended fasts such as giving up food during daylight hours. The point is they do something that rises to the level of physical action.

It's profoundly confusing to me how threatening these groups seem to find same-sex marriage for other people. I get that they disapprove on religious grounds, but nobody is telling them who they can and can't marry. Furthermore, the constitutional separation of church and state protects any church from the sort of government intrusion that they imagine might force them to perform same-sex weddings.

So it seems to me that if Family Foundation wants to hold an imaginary fast they can, but everyone involved would probably be better off if they just minded their own business.

Priest Plagued by Texting Demon

Can demons use cell phones? Apparently so, according to a priest who claims an infernal entity sent him harassing text messages following what at first seemed to be a successful exorcism of a young girl.

Father Marian Rajchel from Jaroslaw, in south-eastern Poland, apparently said the evil spirit was irked that the priest had got the better of him so started a harassment campaign by phone.

‘Shut up, preacher. You cannot save yourself. Idiot. You pathetic old preacher’ was one of the messages he received. Another text said: ‘She will not come out of this hell. She’s mine. Anyone who prays for her will die.’

Father Rajchel told local media demons were comfortable with ‘modern technology’ but also admitted the messages were probably sent through a human host.

It surprises me that an actual demon would bother with something as stupid as sending insulting text messages. Can't they throw stuff around rooms, or worse? Even if the demon's power were limited to sending text messages, it seems to me that it could, say, proposition kids on the Internet claiming to be said priest until the authorities showed up and arrested him. That would be a much more effective use of such a demonic power than hurling playground insults.

Here's my guess. The girl wasn't really possessed and her parents were abusive fundamentalists. The priest put her through the whole ordeal of an exorcism at their request, and she claimed to be "cured" just to get rid of him and end the whole thing. Then, she was still upset about it, so she found an anonymous texting service and sent the messages herself to get back at him. It wouldn't be paranormal, but it would serve him right.

A Huge Can of Worms

That's what the Supreme Court may have opened up with its recent decision in the Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby case. The court has made conflicting statements regarding the narrowness of the ruling, so it's not completely clear yet how the whole thing will shake out. But it looks like as in the case of the Oklahoma monument, the folks at The Satanic Temple will be doing a lot of the shaking.

The group, which "facilitates the communication and mobilization of politically aware Satanists, secularists, and advocates for individual liberty," argues that states' "informed consent" laws violate its religious freedom. "An increasing number of states have passed 'informed consent' laws, requiring that women seeking abortions be subjected to state-mandated informational materials that are often false or misleading," the group wrote on its website. "We believe that personal decisions should be made with reference to only the best available, scientifically valid information."

Lucien Greaves, a spokesperson for the group, said that the Hobby Lobby ruling supports their initiative. "While we feel we have a strong case for exemption regardless of the Hobby Lobby ruling, the Supreme Court has decided that religious beliefs are so sacrosanct that they can even trump scientific fact," Greaves said in a statement. "Because of the respect the Court has given to religious beliefs, and the fact that our beliefs are based on best available knowledge, we expect that our belief in the illegitimacy of state­ mandated ‘informational’ material is enough to exempt us, and those who hold our beliefs, from having to receive them."

The narrowest possible interpretation of the Hobby Lobby ruling, extending the exemption already offered to religious non-profits to privately held corporations where all the owners share the same specific religious beliefs, would not be the disaster some activists have claimed. At the same time, the idea that this can apply to beliefs that are clearly scientifically incorrect is a problem because that opens the door to all sorts of nonsense, no matter how limited the ruling finally turns out to be.

Christian Persecution: The Movie!

The Poor Oppressed Christians have been making movies lately, filming a worldview that I hope will one day be looked back upon and mocked as extensively as it deserves. Just like the last of these films I covered, God is Not Dead, their latest effort, Persecuted, is based on a laughably impossible premise that the audience is supposed to find threatening. In this case, it's the government attempting to legislate religion, something Poor Oppressed Christians are totally for until they realize that religious freedom also applies to non-Christians. Then they go off the rails about how wrong and unfair it is that they aren't treated as special and given more privileges than everyone else.

The plot revolves around an evil senator who is obsessed with a piece of legislation, “The Faith and Fairness Act.” It’s never clear exactly what the Act does, but it seems to force all religions to operate under a single umbrella organization, and to allow members of any faith the ability to preach in others’ houses of worship. It thus combines the Religious Right’s fear that liberals are itching to silence Christian broadcasters by reviving the long-defunct Fairness Doctrine, and their resentment that people view them as intolerant for believing their faith is the only avenue to truth and God.

Standing tall against this plot is evangelist John Luther (John Calvin/John Wesley and Martin Luther?). Luther is sort of a Billy Graham figure who has overcome a past of drug abuse to become a national figure. His ministry, we are told, reaches more people than the evening news. Early in the movie, the evil Senator Harrison tries to bully Luther into backing his legislation at a religious rally; when Luther refuses to compromise his faith for the senator’s political gain, Harrison puts in motion an elaborate plot to destroy him. The also-evil president of the United States is in on the scheme: he looks a little bit like Ted Kennedy and sounds more than a little bit like Bill Clinton.

What's so silly about all this is that a law akin to the "Faith and Fairness Act" would be a blatant violation of the First Amendment in the United States, and therefore massively and obviously unconstitutional. For all the Poor Oppressed Christians complain about their lack of special treatment and their resulting victim status, the First Amendment actually protects religious groups from government interference of this sort. So such a law could never be passed, and even if it were the Supreme Court would slap it down immediately. Furthermore, it's hard to imagine a politician who would go to great lengths to "destroy" an evangelist for simply refusing to speak in support of a proposed law. But apparently the Poor Oppressed Christians see both as real possibilities.

Witches and Wizards Versus Boko Haram

Boko Haram insurgents in Nigeria have been in the news recently after kidnapping over 200 schoolgirls earlier this spring. According to statements from the group, the girls are being held until the government releases captured militants. Members of the group are believed to be hiding out somewhere in northern Nigeria where they are apparently under attack by "mystical snakes and bees." According to this article, the source of those attacks may have now been identified. Last week the witches and wizards of Nigeria held an emergency meeting, and their spokesman, Dr. Okhue Iboi, issued a statement statement condemning the militant group.

According to him: “Our bi-annual meeting was actually supposed to come up in first week of October, but our fellow brothers and sisters from these three North eastern states made passionate appeal to our general assembly imploring us to discuss Boko Haram matter. Witches and wizards in Adamawa. Borno and Yobe states want us to intervene, to help cage Shekau and his blood-thirsty lieutenants”

Speaking on the outcome of their deliberations, the 55-year-old wizard said the days of Abubakar Shekau, Boko Haram leader were numbered. According to him, Shekau will be captured before the end of December, and paraded on the streets of Abuja and Maiduguri for the whole world to see.

“We witches and wizards in Nigeria have sealed the fate of Shekau. His days are numbered. He will be captured before the end of December, and contrary to the image and impression he has been creating that he is a warrior, after his capture, he will start singing like a canary bird.”

While there was no mention of the snakes and bees, it's not hard to see the connection. Witches and wizards are on the job, and their minions are getting it done. While the Boko Haram member interviewed in the previous article believed that the creatures were the ghosts of those the terrorist organization had killed, the fact is that without some actual magical work ghosts don't generally come back for revenge. They also don't usually take the form of snakes and bees.

Let me just add that I think it's fascinating that in Nigeria there's a professional organization for magick-workers, and that they get together to coordinate actions in response to local political issues. I also would love to learn a spell that hurls "mystical bees" at my enemies, preferably out of thin air.

BREAKING: The Reptilians Are Real!

IO9 has an ominous report up today on data compiled by the CongressEdits Twitter bot. This ingenious program sends out a tweet every time Wikipedia is edited from an IP address owned by the United States Congress, and was created in response to a wave of Wikipedia edits being made by Congressional staffers. According to the data, someone at one of those addresses edited the Wikipedia article on "Reptilians." What did they modify? See for yourself, with the edited portion shown here in bold:

The idea of reptilians on Earth was popularized by David Icke, a conspiracy theorist who says shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies. Icke has claimed on multiple occasions that many of the world leaders are, or are possessed by, reptilians ruling the world. These allegations are completely unsubstantiated and have no basis in reality.

In politics it's not the lie that gets you, it's the cover-up. And clearly that's what's going on here, which likely means there's something worth covering up! After all, "no basis in reality" is exactly what a crafty Reptilian would say when asked to comment on its own existence, right? Unfortunately the bot only identifies IP addresses rather than individuals, so it's impossible to tell who might be in on this fiendish conspiracy. Clearly we need to explore who has the most to gain from slapping down the otherwise completely reasonable assertion that the United States is ruled by evil extraterrestrial lizard people with the mysterious power to look just like the rest of us.

I'm no fan of the surveillance state in general, but stuff like this is flat-out priceless. It goes to show that when you watch the watchers, you generally catch them up to something.

UPDATE: Just when I was thinking this story couldn't get any funnier, as of today Wikipedia has blocked Congressional IP addresses for a period of ten days due to "persistent disruptive editing." It sounds like the Reptilians have had enough.

A Victim of Drunken Channeling

Channeling as a form of alleged spiritual communication is one of the foundational practices of many New Age religious movements. One of the most successful of these channelers is J. Z. Knight, who claims to channel a spirit who calls himself Ramtha. Knight's group was behind the New Age film What the Bleep Do We Know?, which did quite well in theaters for an independent documentary even though most of the scientists who appeared in it stated that their comments had been taken out of context.

Years ago the joke in the occult community was that Ramtha was pretty much a "master of the obvious" who somehow managed to collect huge speaking fees. I never could understand the appeal of paying thousands of dollars to hear anyone, spirit or not, deliver insightful life lessons like "Love one another!" Clearly, though, I just don't get it, because Ramtha books outsell mine and Knight's organization is both large and wealthy.

At any rate, the latest controversy surrounding Knight/Ramtha clearly demonstrates why channeling is best done sober. Back 2011 Knight took a shot at it while drinking, and the "Ramtha" she contacted let loose a tirade of racist and homophobic declarations. Sometimes contacting spirits does go disastrously wrong, but Knight's problem now is not only that this incident occurred, but that it was posted online.

These are not the kind of cosmic revelations that have drawn students to Knight for 38 years. For the most part, RSE students are thoughtful and well-educated, not apt to embrace a bigoted guru. For decades, the message had been more about finding the god within than disparaging minorities, and the blend of science and New Age Gnosticism made J.Z. Knight millions well before the drunken homophobic, anti-Catholic, anti-Semitic racist rants began to make their way into her preachings.

What happened at RSE would have stayed at RSE had it not been for the Internet. In 2012, livestreamed videos of Ramtha’s hate speech were posted to the Web, first by ex-students Virginia Coverdale and David McCarthy, then by a libertarian-leaning think tank called the Freedom Foundation that is based in Olympia. The excerpts from that wine ceremony left Thurston County residents shocked and wondering if there was a more sinister side to their kooky neighborhood cult.

Ken Ham Versus Heathen Space Aliens

Ken Ham of Creation Museum fame has to be one of the stupidest human beings on the planet. While I realize that to my readers this isn't exactly a revelation, his recent comments pretty much take the cake. According to Ham, we should stop spending money exploring space and searching for alien life because the aliens are all going to hell anyway.

“Life did not evolve but was specially created by God, as Genesis clearly teaches. Christians certainly shouldn’t expect alien life to be cropping up across the universe,” he continued. “Now the Bible doesn’t say whether there is or is not animal or plant life in outer space. I certainly suspect not.” But regardless of whether there was life in outer space, Ham asserted that it could not be truly “intelligent.”

“You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam’s sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam’s sin, but because they are not Adam’s descendants, they can’t have salvation,” he explained. “Jesus did not become the ‘GodKlingon’ or the ‘GodMartian’! Only descendants of Adam can be saved. God’s Son remains the ‘Godman’ as our Savior.”

Let me detail the ways in which this makes absolutely no sense, and bear with me, it'll take awhile. First off, Genesis doesn't explicitly state that God only created life on earth. From Genesis 1 (King James Version):

1. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

Note: "the heaven and the earth."

2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

And then the beginning of verse 2 sets the context of the narrative that follows with "And the earth." Thus, from verse 2 on it's specifically the earth being talked about. No other planets are mentioned. So there's nothing in the text that precludes other planets also being created by God - at least, not if you possess basic reading comprehension skills.