God Slaps Down Bible Burning

This is way too funny.

Remember the North Carolina church that planned a book burning at which they would burn copies of Bible translations deemed "Satanic?" It turns out that when the day finally came God had other ideas.

To be sure, they planned to burn heavy metal music and smutty movies. But they also had country, gospel, and Christian contemporary music and videos about Jesus in their crosshairs. Most shockingly, they said that they would burn all non-King James versions of the Bible -- aka "Satan's bibles."

They also announced a long list of "Satan's popular books written by heretics" which would be burned. And to top it all off, they offered "fried chicken, and all the sides."

But when the big day came around, a combination of rain, protesters, and a state law against burning paper all conspired against them.

Sure, part of the problem was a state law banning the burning of paper. Sure, part of the problem was that more protesters showed up than the church's entire congregation of 14 people. But the bottom line is that even if neither of those things had been a factor you still can't hold a book burning when it's raining. Maybe the church should have realized from the start that Christians shouldn't be burning Bibles. I mean, it seems obvious to me, but I suppose in their eyes I'm an evil devil worshipper so my opinion doesn't count.

Nonetheless, the church released a statement desperately spinning the outcome of the event.

We wanted to say that the Book Burning was a great success[.] We wanted to thank all the Bible doubters who prayed for rain with us. All the protestors and media got wet; we were inside where it was nice and dry[.] We are not glad people got wet, we are glad that His Word was honored. Some have written praising God that he intervened and stopped the Book Burning because of the rain, protestors, and state laws about burning paper.

Wow, it's not just me...

Nothing was stopped. Our goal was to destroy garbage as noted below, and we did just that. We didn't care how it was destroyed; only that it was destroyed. These same people must have never heard about "Paper, Rock, & Scissors." Scissors cut paper, and paper tears real easy. We destroyed everything as planned. Praise God! God answered every prayer that everyone prayed, but they don't like the answer.

Translation: we didn't get to burn anything, so our book burning was a great success. You've got to love the cognitive dissonance.