Wednesday, April 13, 2011

To Support Warlocks, Boycott This Awful Film

The serial eyeliner abuse chronicles continue!

Fresh off of getting a bunch of press for cursing Charlie Sheen, Salem's own warlock-wannabe, psychic-for-hire, and skull fetishist Christian Day is on TMZ today calling for all warlock supporters to boycott the new film Your Highness on the grounds that it, yes, defames warlocks.

Salem-based spellcaster Christian Day -- who even runs his own little witchcraft shop called HEX -- is pissed at Hollywood for its constant negative portrayals of warlocks in movies ... and now, he's calling for an all-out boycott of "Your Highness" for its anti-warlock messages.

Christian calls the movie an "assault on taste" for casting a warlock "who hopes to deflower helpless virgins and rule the world" -- telling TMZ, "Hollywood continues to cast Witches and Warlocks as negative roles when we're the good guys and gals!"

Christian adds, "I hope people boycott this movie and movies like it so that Hollywood is inspired to release more positive films about Witches and Warlocks."

Apparently Day hasn't gotten the message that really, the last thing the magical community needs is its own Bill Donohue-esque sanctimonious blowhard.


Catholic League president Donohue is known for his feigned outrage over every possible imagined slight to Catholics such as a New York YMCA that replaced Santa Claus with Frosty the Snowman this last holiday season. You know, because apparently red suits, white beards, reindeer, and American consumerism are all hallmarks of the Roman Catholic faith. Meanwhile, real Catholics in Germany were not amused. Seriously, is this kind of nonsense what the occult community has come to? Let's hope that Day's fifteen minutes of fame are over shortly.

Meanwhile, Salon movie critic Andrew O'Hehir agrees that Your Highness is a film to be avoided, but not for cultural or political reasons. Rather, he contends that it may very well be one of the worst movies ever made.

For a few hours after having seen "Your Highness," I considered the possibility that it was the worst movie ever made. The image of McBride as the dim, smug and beefy Prince Thadeous, who begins the story as an irritating lardass loser and ends it as an even more irritating hero, was burned into my brain, complete with the enormous severed minotaur dong he wears on a necklace. (Monster cock! ICWYDT!) And while I shouldn't feel bad for James Franco about much of anything (let alone the Newtonian backlash from all the media-fellatio he has enjoyed), his directionless, Keanu-lite performance as Thadeous' cooler and studlier brother, Fabious, only deepens the sense that his career has abruptly hurtled off a cliff into a bottomless abyss.

These two idiots wander about the countryside -- "Your Highness" was shot in Northern Ireland, so at least there's pretty scenery -- speaking in intentionally fakey Angoloid accents (sprinkled with wacky, occasional contemporary utterances, like "butthole" and "sweet!"), smoking some pipeweed they stole from Bag End, giving hand jobs to a Yoda-like alien pederast called the Wise Wizard (you can only wish I were kidding), lopping off the penises of would-be ass-rapist minotaurs and sporadically attempting to rescue Fabious' fiancée (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil wizard called Leezar (Justin Theroux), who plans to impregnate her with his foul seed. Oh, and Toby Jones plays a little, Iago-like elfin character called Julie. Who turns out to have no dick. Did I mention that there are a lot of dicks in this movie? Or that the people who made it are dicks? Or that I must be a dick, too, since I lacked the dignity and self-respect to walk out on this bloated, atrocious spectacle?

What does this say about Day's confidence in his warlock powers? Calling on people to boycott a movie that's so awful it's unlikely to do well anyway? Seeing as his Charlie Sheen curse was singularly unimpressive (Sheen was booed in Detroit at the opening of his "torpedo of truth" tour, but bounced back with a much better show at his next performance in Chicago. Is that all these Salem posers have got?) perhaps he feels a need to hedge his bets. That way when the movie does poorly because it sucks he can take unearned credit for inspiring millions with his vision of politically correct warlock-depiction.

But really, isn't this a little like calling on everyone to boycott Troma Productions' Class of Nuke 'em High on the grounds that it defames mutants? It's not like many people are clambering to buy tickets for the damn thing.

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4 comments:

V.V.F. said...

I would have loved a deflowering from a warlock back when I was a virgin. Pretty much all I've got to say about that.

...Well, that, and I just don't understand how a person who calls himself a warlock and openly throws curses thinks he should or could be seen as a "good guy" by mainstream society. That's so stupid, I don't even know where to start.

Ananael Qaa said...

Even a warlock wearing a stupid skull mask and ridiculous eyeliner? Just askin'... ;-)

One of the rules I have about cursing is that you never tell anyone that you've done it. Especially not your target. Most especially not TMZ! I think it hasn't occurred to Day that media reports of supposedly real warlocks casting supposedly real curses is going to defame spellcasters a lot more in most peoples' eyes than a cartoonish villain in some dumb stoner comedy.

V.V.F. said...

Eyeliner's okay, but I could really do without any kind of elaborate headwear. (Or molester mustaches.)

Otherwise, my feelings exactly!

RevRonald4u said...

Nothing has changed much with him ... https://www.facebook.com/ChritianDaytheForrestGumpofWitchcraft