Friday, April 19, 2013

The Demon Test

Bob Larson thinks you might have a demon. Seriously. Evangelist Larson first made a name for himself stirring up false accusations of Satanic Ritual Abuse back in the early 1990's and soliciting donations to combat this non-existent threat. More recently Larson assembled the Teen Exorcist Squad and now has an online test you can take to find out if you "have a demon." I went to take the test just for the humor value, but true to Larson's money-grubbing form just taking it costs ten bucks. So forget that.

You would think that this would be less transparently a scam, that the test would be free but then recommend various "services" after concluding you in fact have a demon that Larson's squad can deal with for a nominal or more likely not-so-nominal fee. But I suppose the profit margin is better for his organization if even the test has a price attached. Clearly churches that conduct counseling and exorcisms for free are in the wrong business. According to the web site, here's what you can do if the test finds you to be afflicted.

#1 Consider visiting our Center for Spiritual Freedom in Phoenix, Arizona to spend a full or half day with me personally for an Intervention Intensive. We'll carefully address a wide range of spiritual issues, including anxiety, emotional exhaustion, anger management, rejection and abandonment issues, health challenges, and spiritual oppression.

#2 Attend one of our Spiritual Freedom Seminars in selected cities (our latest schedule is at www.boblarson.org) and arrange for a one-hour Encounter session. We'll help you find direction in life and quickly get to the root of whatever is holding back your health, finances, or relationships.

#3 Receive a referral from one of our DWJD® (Do What Jesus Did) inner healing and deliverance teams, located in more than 100 cities worldwide. They will arrange a time to meet with you and minister to your spiritual needs.


I love how even the name of his "deliverance teams" is trademarked. So is the demon test itself. Because obviously anyone who really wants to rid the world of evil should first be concerned with the commercial opportunities it affords them. The fact is that Larson makes most of his money off of finding demons and minions of Satan under every rock, whether or not they're actually present. The web site says nothing about what personal attention from one of his teams costs, but if it's ten bucks just to take an online test that apparently has only 21 questions it's pretty obvious that this is a case of "if you have to ask, it's too expensive."

Taking a look back at my original Teen Exorcist Squad story I noticed a comment from M.C. that he tried an older version of the "demon test" that I guess used to be free, because I can't imagine any actual occultist bothering with one that cost real money. So perhaps Larson already tried out the free model and found that it either didn't work for him - or at least didn't work well enough to support him in the style to which he's become accustomed by his marks... I mean donors.

UPDATE: Want to have a good laugh at the Demon Test's expense without shelling out the ten bucks? Here you go! This fellow blogger went ahead and took the plunge, and emerged with a screenshot of the test. So enjoy!

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4 comments:

Morgan Eckstein said...

Isn't just listening to Larson a sign that you have a demon? *wink*

Scott Stenwick said...

It certainly could be! I wonder if that's one of the questions - "have you ever listened to Bob Larson's radio show?"

M.C. noted on an older version of the test that answering yes to "have you ever asked Satan to take your life in exchange for something" and "have you ever experimented with two or more types of the occult" still did not result in him being classified at high risk for demonic possession.

Maybe you get all those extra points from whether or not you listen to Bob...

Knight of Pan said...

There's a more modern "evangelist" now hawking Christians for their money named Michael Leehan. Making the rounds talking about his escape from Satanism....lot's of money to be made from those folks.

Scott Stenwick said...

It's amazing to me how few people seem to have learned from the Mike Warnke debacle all the way back in 1991. This goes for both fraudulent "former satanists" and the congregations that take leave of their critical thinking faculties whenever they pay one of these confidence artists to speak.

Becoming a member of the Church of Satan entails nothing more than paying a one-time membership fee, but many of these idiots haven't even done that. And the other "Satanic organizations" that they supposedly "escaped from" don't even exist.

I'll have to check out this Michael Leehan. Thanks for the tip.