Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Cat Transformations?

First it was goats, then donkeys, and now cats. What's not to like about the bizarre shape-shifting criminals of Africa? I mean, besides that all of the stories about them pretty much have to be completely made up.

One of the suspects is a twelve-year-old boy simply identified as John who had transformed to a cat and was caught by policemen at the Rumuolumeni Division. DailyPost reporter who visited the scene of the incident reports that the policemen became curious after noticing that a particular cat was always running across the police station and decided to lay ambush for the animal.

It was further gathered that after the animal was caught and the policemen attempted to kill it, it mysteriously transformed to a boy. The twelve year old boy later confessed that he was initiated by one aged man named Womadi, adding that there are many of his kind in Port Harcourt, and their mission was to suck human blood and inflict their victims with diseases.

The paramount ruler of Rumuolumeni in Oibio-Akpor Local Government Area of Rivers State, Eze Ndubueze Wobo confirmed the transformation of three members of his community into cats.

What's always missing from these stories is why anyone would bother. The thing about people in real stories is that they have actual motives, and their actions benefit them in some way. Let's say that you somehow manage to work out a spell that lets you transform into a cat. That's a pretty amazing power, but all you're going to do with it is infect people with diseases? In fact, there are a lot of more imaginative uses for it out there.

Here's one: how about free energy? A cat generally weighs about ten pounds and an average twelve-year-old boy weights about ninety. All you really need is a seesaw-like device linked to a generator. Put a weight of fifty pounds on one side and the transforming boy on the other. As he transforms back and forth from human to cat, the weight differential will start the device rocking, generating electricity. The same system could also be used to pump water in more rural areas.

Instead, though, African witches seem to be mysterious moustache-twirling villains who delight in causing havoc with their spells for no conceivable reason or advantage whatsoever. If I put somebody like that in a paranormal novel, nobody would find the character believable. With stories like this one, neither should we.

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Imago said...

Scary picture! Make it go away!

Scott Stenwick said...

Yes, the number of creepy photoshop jobs you can find on the Internet is pretty amazing. This one illustrates the "uncanny valley" quite nicely.

It also totally cracks me up every time I see it.