NBA Goes Supernatural

It seems like television series dealing with the paranormal are a dime a dozen these days. Due to their continuing popularity, even sports franchises are now getting into the act. Back in January the National Basketball Association announced a new paranormal investigation series which was original scheduled to start in mid-March, but should be starting up any day now. The name of the show? NBA Nights.

According to show insiders, Kobe Bryant will become suspicious that certain Minnesota players may be a different sort of wolf altogether when Darko Milicic checks in to the game unshaven, haggard, and playing with an unusual ferocity. After the final buzzer, when the Lakers discover deep gouges on the basketball—apparently sinister claw marks that "weren't made by the dribbling of anything human"—it's up to a trench-coated Kobe to chase down Milicic as a full moon casts ominous shadows across L.A.

"Will Darko be friend or foe?" a press release for the half-hour postgame teaser read in part. "Can the commanding but shadowy figure known only as 'the Commish' turn a league of unruly on-court rivals into an elite midnight squad of monster hunters? Who can be trusted, and who is hiding what? Alliances will be forged and shattered, team loyalty will be tested, and everything NBA players think they know about one another will change as they step across the threshold into a darker, more mysterious world."

NBA Nights will reportedly feature a broad, constantly revolving cast of characters, with weekly episodes showcasing every franchise in the league: Emeka Okafor pursues zombies in New Orleans, Andrew Bogut and Mike Dunleavy battle thawed-out vikings in Milwaukee, and Kobe and his Lakers teammates realize the entire Los Angeles crowd is a swarm of soul-eating demons. However, the NBA is promising a larger, deeper story will unfold as the season goes on.

So will it be any good? I have a hard time imagining this concept working, but then again, we do live in a "darker, more mysterious world" than most of us generally imagine. Apparently, that goes for the world of professional sports as well.


...and just as a point, in case you don't really see the humor in this article, let me introduce you to Baywatch Nights, #6 on Cracked Magazines list of television shows that completely lost their shit. The idea was to create a spinoff from the popular lifeguard series Baywatch that opened like this:



And no, that intro is not part of the joke. Unbelievably, it's 100% for real.

Happy April Fools Day, everyone!