Friday, April 1, 2016

The Antchrist Riseth

Today is a dark day for humanity.

When Barack Obama first sought the presidency of the United States we were all warned. There were questions regarding the circumstances of his birth, and allegations that he was not even human and therefore ineligible to hold the country's highest office. Obama overcame all this and rose to power, ruling over our nation since January of 2009.

But as this chilling illustration shows, Obama is the Antchrist.

Ants are no friends to humanity. We massacre them by the millions with insecticides, borax, and diatomaceous earth. It should come as no surprise, then, that the savior of the ant species will see human beings and their religious traditions as enemies. In the Apostle Paul's first letter to John, he warns us of this calamity in Chapter 2, verses 18-22:

18. Dear children, the last hour is here. You have heard that the Antchrist is coming, and already many such Antchrists have appeared. From this we know that the last hour has come.

19. These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us.

20. But you are not like that, for the Holy One has given you his Spirit, and all of you know the truth.

21. So I am writing to you not because you don’t know the truth but because you know the difference between truth and lies.

22. And who is a liar? Anyone who says that Jesus is not the Christ. Anyone who denies the Father and the Son is an Antchrist.

In stark terms, the Apostle Paul outlines that great and final battle we may know as the Antpocalypse, in which all of ant-kind will rise up against their human oppressors under the leadership of he who is currently known as the President of the United States. Now having completed the seventh year of his reign, the Antchrist is reaching the pinnacle of his supernatural powers and will soon move against us all! Let it be known that a terrible danger now stands before us.

As the weather warms, we may find ourselves surrounded by billions of tiny soldiers, all pledged to seek our destruction at the behest of their leader. Consider every ant you see a potential enemy, and do what you can to reduce their numbers. In this way, we can hope to survive the oncoming storm, and drive the Antchrist back to the place from whence he came.

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