A Secret Masonic Ritual?

There's a lot of talk on the Internet about Masons and supposed "secret rituals" carried out by "high degree members" that the rank and file don't learn about until they progress far into the depths of the organization. As one of those rank and file Blue Lodge masons, it's possible that stuff like this might be going on behind closed doors without my knowledge - but I have to say, I highly doubt it has anything to do with Masonic ritual.

The story sounds like something out of a bad movie, one of those "comedy of errors" films that asks how embarrassing things can possibly get. A former Australian mason apparently set out to distribute cheeseburgers to the homeless, but wound up naked inside a giant pipe organ with a toy gun and a remote controlled police car. Naturally, alcohol was involved.

A former freemason found drunk and naked inside a huge pipe organ has appeared in court accused of damaging the historic instrument - insured for more than $1 million. Glenn Langford was arrested on Wednesday after allegedly flooding the Brisbane Masonic Memorial Centre and setting off the fire alarms.

The 51-year-old faced charges at the Brisbane Arrest Court on Thursday and was granted bail. But he said his intentions were initially well-meaning and the night had got out of hand after downing a bottle of Johnny Walker whisky, 7 News reports.

The court was told he had been meaning to hand out cheeseburgers to the homeless. Food was left scattered on the floor of the grand hall of the heritage-listed temple in Brisbane's CBD, which features one of the biggest organs in Queensland.

It is feared the organ, installed in the 1930s, may be too damaged to be repaired despite it being insured for $1 million. Mr Langford is charged with allegedly damaging a number of organ pipes and destroying part of a decorative wall.

He was also discovered naked along with clothes, a remote controlled police car and toy gun. The magistrate heard from Mr Langford's lawyer who explained he had last week lost his job and was getting over the breakdown of a 16-year relationship. He was granted bail on the condition that he stayed more than 100 metres away from the centre in Ann Street.

'Things just got a little loose, I was out of it,' Mr Langford told 7 News. He apologised to 'all the righteous Freemasons everywhere'. 'I did have a lot of cheeseburgers to give to the homeless. I'm going to see a shrink and don't drink,' he added.

Maybe he's not drinking now, but if he really was a non-drinker and downed an entire bottle of whiskey - well, I suppose it actually makes sense that he took off all his clothes and climbed inside a giant pipe organ. Can you imagine waking up from that blackout? "Hey, where the hell am I, and what's going on? What am I supposed to do with this remote controlled police car? And where are my cheeseburgers?"

I suppose we'll just have to chalk it up as a cautionary tale of how Masonic charity can go bad. Maybe this is why American masons don't drink at lodge events.