Thursday, June 14, 2018

Illuminati Heart Attack Gun

Here's another guy who's giving Alex Jones a run for his money in the crazy department. Pastor Paul Begley recently claimed that the heart attack suffered by Donald Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow could have been caused by "Illuminati assassins" wielding a "heart attack gun." Because of course, in the real world, seventy-year-old men never have mild heart attacks that require three-day hospital stays. Right?

During a livestream broadcast yesterday, right-wing pastor and rabid conspiracy theorist Paul Begley raised the possibility that “Illuminati assassins” may have targeted White House economic adviser Larry Kudlow with a “heart attack gun.”

Kudlow was hospitalized after suffering a heart attack earlier this week and Begley wants to know if it was somehow related to his criticism of Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau following the G7 summit.

“I want to know,” Begley declared. “Are there Illuminati assassins and would they kill people to continue their agenda? I’m wondering, are there such things as heart attack guns?”

Begley claimed that right-wing publisher Andrew Breitbart mysteriously died of a heart attack the night before he was supposedly going to release a damaging video and wondered if the same forces may now be targeting Kudlow.

I've got a couple of responses to this. First, I've heard the "heart attack gun" that took down Andrew Breitbart was called long-term cocaine use. I don't know if that's true, but it at least is something that exists. Second, there are some poisons that can mimic the effects of heart attacks, but you don't shoot them out of a gun. And third, there are no "Illuminati" in the modern world. "The elite" that folks sometimes erroneously call "the Illuminati" consists of a bunch of finance douchebags, and while many of them have experience with long-term cocaine use, I doubt they have anywhere near the scientific know-how or even the creativity required to build a "heart attack gun."

This is all a little weird, too, because according to the conspiracy folks the Illuminati are sinister, secretive, dangerous, and practically all-powerful. And yet, even when provided with a super-high-tech heart attack gun, their assassins couldn't even manage to kill one of the president's economic advisors. All they did was put him in the hospital for three days, and he's expected to make a full recovery. If everything Begley is saying is true, I think we have to go ahead and add "utterly incompetent" to that list of Illuminati attributes.

In reference to the image above, Mythbusters tested a bunch of variants on the "ice bullet" idea. They won't even go through clothing, let alone break the skin. But it's possible that in 1975 the CIA wanted the KGB to think they had the technology. The Soviets developed a primitive "poison gun" that fired a jet of cyanide gas in the 1950's, and a mythical "ice bullet" version would have a much longer range and not be susceptible to wind or air movements. You know, if you could get it into your target's body in the first place.

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N. Johnson said...

this conspiracy theory is so nuts it sounds like something straight out of metal gear solid

Scott Stenwick said...

I would really like to know if there is some magical pool of crazy or something that these folks pull all their conspiracy theories from. They're seriously ridiculous.