The Rite of the Time Cube

The following is an invocation of Nature's Simultaneous 4-Day Time Cube. What? You've never heard of Time Cube? Let me enlighten you.

Hey stupid - are you too dumb to know there are 4 different simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth? Greenwich 1 day is a lie. 4 quadrants = 4 corners, and 4 different directions. Each Earth corner rotates own separate 24 hour day. Infinite days is stupidity. Most math is erroneous. You are educated stupid.

So begins the (very long) text of the Time Cube Website dedicated to the revolutionary thinking of Nobel Prize Winner and "Doctor of Cubicism" Gene Ray, the "wisest human" who has discovered the principles of "Nature's Simultaneous 4-Day Time Cube." You never know, it might be true, and after all, "if you do not seek Time Cube you are not worthy of life on Earth." Don't say I didn't warn you.

By invoking all four stations of the sun by the appropriate "holy names" given by "Dr." Ray, this ritual invokes the ethereal wisdom of Time Cube, giving the magician the power to solve the problems of nuclear waste and defeat the evil academic minions of the false word fish god. As for those who might argue that it is unnatural for me to meddle in such things, what do they expect? Time Cube proves me stupid and evil.

My apologies in advance to Aleister Crowley, on whose Liber Resh vel Helios some of the ritual text below is based.

I. Preparation

This ritual may be performed at any time because the Greenwich myth is a lie. The temple should be devoid of all furniture to emphasize its cubicness, and the ideal temple is a perfect eight to twelve-foot cube, the outer dimensions of the room being determined by the height of the ceiling. No other special clothing or implements are required. Otherwise, the magician may be armed as he sees fit. If incense is burned upon the censor, it should be assofoetida or some other incense attributed to Saturn. If candles are used, there should be three of them and they should be black.

The magician should draw the following diagram onto a fresh piece of paper.

1. Start by drawing a diamond in the center of the sheet.
2. Draw a circle within the diamond, and write "Earth" in its center.
At the top point of the diamond, write "Mid Day" and the corresponding name of power given by Gene Ray, SOCRATES.
3. At the right point, write "Sun Down" and the corresponding name of power, CLINTON.
4. At the bottom point, write "Mid Night" and the corresponding name of power, EINSTEIN.
5. At the left point, write "Sun Up" and the corresponding name of power, JESUS.
6. Then draw a cross connecting the points of the diamond and arrows at each arm pointing clockwise to the next point implying rotation.

This diagram should be held by the magician, in case he or she should need to pronounce the curse.

II. Opening

The temple is opened with the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, followed by the Lesser Invoking Ritual of the Hexagram.

The Magician then faces the east, kneels, and reads the confession.

Oh Time Cube, you who are above God, I come before you to confess my evil and my stupidity. I have been a slave to the Greenwich myth. I have word-murdered my children. I have complied with cubeless evil academics, and I have not demanded the right to debate your mysteries. I am unworthy of life on earth, and have been enslaved by the false word God and his erroneous mathematics. I have ignored my obligation to humanity and deserve to be spit upon publicly. I have been too damn evil to accept you. I am the lowest form. I can't procreate alone. I have destroyed the village. I have destroyed the family. I have destroyed childhood. I have destroyed naturalism. I don't know the Truth - I am educated stupid. I have worshipped cubeless word. I am my own poison. I have created my own hell. I must seek Time Cube.

But all is not lost! I stand before you now, asking humbly to partake of your mysteries. Show me the truth! Deliver me from my dumbassness and academic brainwashing! Banish my cubelessness and deliver me from the false word god! I will seek you, I will exalt you, I will demand right to debate time cube and force evil educators to eat dung! Come forth, oh greatest discovery of all, and illuminate me with your magnificence!

The Magician then rises and performs the Greater Invoking Ritual of the Hexagram for Saturn, calling upon the godname of KRONOS, the Lord of Time.

III. The Invocation

Still facing the east, the Magician gives the Sign of Air and says the following, vibrating names as appropriate:

Hail unto thee who art Jesus in thy rising, even unto thee who art Jesus in thy strength, who traveleth over the heavens in thy bark, the boat of millions of years, at the uprising of the Sun. Hail unto thee from the abobes of night!

The Magician turns to the south, gives the Sign of Fire, and says the following, vibrating names as appropriate:

Hail unto thee who art Socrates in thy triumphing, even unto thee who art Socrates in thy beauty, who traveleth over the heavens in thy bark, the boat of millions of years, at the mid-course of the Sun. Hail unto thee from the abodes of morning!

The Magician turns to the west, gives the Sign of Water, and says the following, vibrating names as appropriate:

Hail unto thee who art Clinton in thy setting, even unto thee who art Clinton in thy joy, who traveleth over the heavens in thy bark, the boat of millions of years, at the going-down of the Sun. Hail unto thee from the abobes of day!

The Magician turns to the north, gives the Sign of Earth, and says the following, vibrating names as appropriate:

Hail unto thee who art Einstein in thy hiding, even unto thee who art Einstein in thy silence, who traveleth over the heavens in thy bark, the boat of millions of years, at the midnight hour of the Sun. Hail unto thee from the abobes of evening!

The Magician returns to the east and gives the Sign of Silence, and then says:

The light is mine, its rays consume me,
I have made a secret door
Into the house of Jesus and Clinton,
Of Einstein and of Socrates!
I am thy Cubic, through and through,
The Prophet of the Great Time Cube!

The magician then sits in the center of the temple in meditation, waiting for Time Cube to bestow its wisdom. This wisdom is profound and will allow the magician to solve the problems of war, nuclear waste, evil in the world, and stupidity.

However, should the magician prove to be too damn evil to accept the wisdom of Time Cube (that is, nothing happens), he or she should rise and pronounce the curse after a suitable interval of meditation. Also, should the wisdom received fail to enable the magician to resolve the world's problems, the rite has failed and the curse must be pronounced.

Time Cube, you who are the delusion of a madman! I have called upon you. I have sought you. I have opened myself to your wisdom. And yet, you fail to acknowledge me. You fail to enlighten me. You fail to banish my cubelessness and lift the stupidity of my education.

You are a lie, Time Cube! A cube has more than four sides! There is nothing special that makes each station of the sun a "day"! It is you who are evil, you who are stupid, you who are the mindless ramblings of a wannabe false word fish god!

I now destroy your sigil, Time Cube. I banish you from my universe. I commit you to the formless abyss of Choronzon from which all logical fallacies and confusions emerge. Begone!

The magician then destroys the printed diagram, either by ripping it to shreds and casting it aside, or burning it in the flame of a candle or upon the censor, if either is present.

IV. Closing

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram is performed. The rite is at an end.