Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Immodesty Causes Earthquakes?

According to a senior Iranian cleric seismologists have it all wrong. Earthquakes aren't caused by tectonic plates sliding along fault lines or anything godless and scientific like that. They're caused by immodest women!

Amid all the recent speculation over what only feels like an unusual number of earthquakes around the world, an Iranian cleric has offered a novel explanation for the source of seismic activity: promiscuous women. Unless Iranians "take refuge in religion" and "adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes," they can expect to be "buried under the rubble," said Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior cleric, during Friday prayers in Tehran. As usual, these moral responsibilities are projected onto women's bodies: "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes," he said.

Fellow magicians, do you know what this means? All we have to do to win a magical war with Iran is drop a bunch of female paratroopers over there and have them walk along the country's many fault lines in short skirts. The entire nation will be leveled in days!

Icelandic volcanic eruption

Actually this isn't a photo of an earthquake but rather the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland, included for sheer awesomeness. But maybe immodest women cause volcanic eruptions as well. Granted, Iceland's climate is rather cool for skimpy clothing, but we can't let logic get in the way of throwing ridiculous accusations around. After all, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi certainly didn't.

UPDATE: In the Facebook discussion of this article, I was informed that on Monday, April 26th thousands of women all over the world are planning on wearing revealing clothing in an effort to destroy either the planet or Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi. The campaign appears to have gone viral, and more than 30,000 women have joined in on Facebook. Isn't science marvelous?

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3 comments:

Rufus Opus said...

I heard Sophia was wearing a particularly racey outfit the day Malkuth fell from Da'ath.

Ellis said...

“All we have to do to win a magical war with Iran is drop a bunch of female paratroopers over there and have them walk along the country's many fault lines in short skirts. The entire nation will be leveled in days!“

The ol' Walls of Jericho gimmick. with “FAP!” instead of marching armies.

Morgan Drake Eckstein said...

Hmmm, this is a plot worthy of Doctor Evil.