Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Leprechaun Attack

For a long time one of my top stories has been this one from back in 2010, regarding a report made to police in Boulder, Colorado about a leprechaun harrassing customers in the parking lot of a local supermarket. In the comments, it was noted that Boulder's reputation as a haven for drug users cast some doubt on the veracity of whole story. However, this latest account is far more chilling. Apparently the leprechauns have found their way to Seattle, Washington and have turned violent.

Seattle police responded to the report of a bar fight last Saturday to find a bloodied man clutching his head and screaming his pain. When asked who did this to him, he offered a shocking answer: “It was a bunch of leprechauns.”

Yes, leprechauns are out of season, but the man claims a group of pissed off little guys beat him down for dancing with a woman at the bar. The man was taken to a hospital, and police have not made any arrests as of yet.

Somebody needs to track down these leprechauns and get their pots of gold out of the city fast, before anyone else gets hurt. Remember, according to the unimpeachable authority that is Lucky Charms cereal commercials, leprechauns have the power to make just about anything out of rainbows, including boats, unbrellas, and presumably weapons of mass destruction. And let's face it, Seattle gets a heck of a lot of rain. The last thing any of us want is for the smoking rainbow machine gun to become a rainbow mushroom cloud.

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Mister Li Liu said...

How'd he know they were leprechauns? What are their defining features? Maybe he just p*ssed off a group of midgets.

Scott Stenwick said...

The article doesn't really say. I'm assuming the leprechauns made a bunch of rainbow shillelaghs, beat the guy up, and then made off with their Lucky Charms. I mean, that's how it works on television... ;-)