Friday, January 11, 2013

Divine Footwear

The Lord works in mysterious ways, according to self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacobs. Or, more to the point, incredibly insignificant ones. In a recent television appearance, Jacobs explained that God would provide for them through miracles. But rather than talking about anything traditionally miraculous like parting of the Red Sea or raising the dead, she apparently was talking about footwear. And tires. And spaghetti. That is, she seems to be the prophet of a deity that operates through the intermediary of consumer goods.

“I have seen God multiply food more than one time when I was cooking… And I remember spooning out spaghetti or whatever, just praying in the spirit over that, and God just made more and more and more. You know, I’ve seen oil multiply as I was praying for the sick. I’ve seen bottles of oil just fill up about a cup a time of oil. But the point is we were promised supernatural provisions.”

“Remember when we drove our car… one one set of tires, how many miles was it?” Jacobs asked her husband and fellow prophet, Mike, after the commercial break. “Way, way beyond what could ever happen with one set of tires.”

She continued: “I mean, I remember one time that I had a pair of shoes that I wore and wore and wore and wore and it just — for years, these shoes did not wear out. And I wore them years and years and years.”

“So, you know, sometimes God is saying little epiphanies to us, little things to us, but we don’t know how to listen to his voice.”

To be fair, Jesus is credited with multiplying food in the famous loaves and fishes Gospel story. But otherwise? If all God is willing to do for you is make your shoes last longer, maybe you should start shopping around for a better deal. In fact, this is a clear case of science being mistaken for something supernatural. Tires and shoes have gotten better as technology has improved, but it's entirely natural. Remember back when you couldn't drive for miles to a gas station on a mostly-flat tire? Well, now you can. Because of chemistry!

The exception to this is that oil-multiplying trick. If Jacobs can really fill bottles of oil by praying over them it may be that people like her are the solution to our nation's energy needs. It's like perpetual motion, only a lot sillier. The trick would be figuring out how to generate more energy in the form of oil than your prophets consume in the form of food. Of course, before anything like this can be set up Jacobs would have to submit herself to controlled scientific conditions under which to demonstrate her oil-out-of-nothing technique. However, I get the strong sense that this will almost certainly never happen.

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Rufus Opus said...

Footwear and tires not giving out is a reference to the provision of God to the Israelites while wandering the desert for 40 years.

The oil manifestation thing, it's a reference to Elisha or Elija, can't remember which, where the widow protecting the Prophet was about to starve, and only had a tiny bit of oil left, and the prophet had her fetch as many empty jars as she could find. Then he had her pour the oil that was left in the jar into each of the empty jars, and they were all filled.

Also, when these charismatics pray in the spirit for healing, blessing, and deliverance from demonic influence, the palms of their hands fill with sweet-smelling oil. My mom does that oil-in-the-hand trick at her church.

These miracles are all based on miracles from the Old Testament or what Jesus did.

Scott Stenwick said...

So is the manifesting oil thing that your mom does sleight of hand, or a genuine magical effect? If it's the latter, that would be a pretty remarkable thing to study. I spent about six months in a Charismatic church when I was a lot younger, but I can't say that I've ever seen anyone do that.