How Not to Do Yoga

Maybe the reason fundamentalists keep trying to ban yoga stretching in schools is that they imagine it's done something like this. United States Park Police officer Jared Tyng recently arrested a man named Bill Kachle on National Park Service property for “disorderly conduct/obscene acts,” which involved holding yoga poses, masturbating, and hurling a dead animal at passing cars. It should go without saying that this isn't any sort of yoga practice with which I'm familiar.

Two female witnesses pointed Tyng in the direction of Kachle, a Washington, D.C. resident who was “holding a yoga pose” nearby. The women said that they were walking along a bike trail when Kachle--who was waving his arms and “shouting odd statements”--dropped his pants and began masturbating.

“Thereafter, the subject then picked up a dead animal, ran into the northbound lanes of travel on the George Washington Memorial Parkway and threw the dead animal at a passing car,” according to a U.S. District Court complaint. After flinging the animal, Kachle “returned to the trail, pointed at both women and masturbated again,” Tyng added.

Since the article was posted on April 1st it might be fake, but at the same time weirdos commit crimes on April Fool's Day just like every other day. If real, Kachle's actions sound like they may be the result of dementia or some sort of untreated mental illness, and I hope that he gets the medical attention he likely needs. Because otherwise he's probably going to keep harassing passersby and giving yoga a bad name. Just to be clear, no part of yoga practice involves masturbating and throwing dead animals. If it did, I wouldn't want it in my kid's school either.