The Stupid, It Burns

Literally. According to this story, a West Toledo man who might be the world's dumbest arsonist has failed to burn down a Masonic Temple for what appears to be the second time. Not only that, but this time around he managed to set himself on fire, and security cameras recorded the whole thing. My guess is that the main reason the video hasn't shown up online yet is that it's evidence in an ongoing investigation, so anyone who wants to watch this display of epic incompetence will have to wait until the arsonist is caught.

Surveillance cameras recorded the unidentified suspect drive up to the temple, get out of his vehicle and walk towards the building. Shortly after the suspects walks towards the building, a burst of light is seen coming from the side of the Temple as the suspect is seen scampering away.

When the fire appears to burn out, the suspect is seen running towards the building, apparently to try again. When he backed away, the man's hand appeared to be on fire.He then jumped in his car and drove off.

Police in West Toledo say that fire officials determined that the suspect had used a patio brick with a burning rag attached to it to break a window at the temple on the north side of the building. The rag, officials say, was found on the lawn. At the end of the day, the failed flaming brick did about $300 in damage. Authorities say someone attempted to set the same temple on fire on May 14.

While this might be the result of some personal grudge, my guess is that the desire to burn down a Masonic lodge has its origins in all the nonsensical conspiracy theories posted online. In 1950's America so many men were Masons that it was hard to succeed in business without being a member, but that's about the closest the fraternity has come to world domination. Those days are now long past; the men who joined during WWII and are still living are now in their late eighties, and the number of deaths have exceeded the number of new initiates for decades.

Here's hoping that with the security camera footage police will be able to identify this suspect quickly. It sounds like if they don't, he's just going to try again.