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No, believe it or not, that headline is not a joke.
Back when Barack Obama was first running for President in 2008, his Republican opponents made a big deal about him knowing former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers. The two taught at the same university in Chicago and were casually acquainted with each other. The McCain/Palin campaign characterized the situation as Obama "palling around with terrorists," a ridiculous exaggeration that many nonetheless believed. Now it's my turn, because Jeb Bush is apparently friends with a real-life vampire.
Before I get to that, though, here's some background. Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has recently been preparing for a White House run in 2016, lining up donors and putting together a policy team. As a recent article in The Washington Post points out, 17 of the 21 members of Jeb's foreign policy team served during the administration of his brother, George W. Bush. So this suggests that if Jeb is elected president, the same team that initiated the disastrous war in Iraq will be back in power.
If Bush's goal is to present himself as his "own man," that list of advisers undermines the point somewhat: 19 of the 21 people on it worked in the administrations of his father or brother. We've identified the roles each played in the past three Republican administrations, divvying them up as needed in the following Venn diagram.
It's easy to suggest that the above diagram indicates that Jeb Bush is hopelessly linked to his brother and father. But it's important to remember that the foreign policy team of any Republican president probably would draw heavily from the experience of the past three Republican administrations — each of which had a Bush at or near the top. Many of the foreign policy names on the alternate-universe Mitt Romney transition team appear above — although Romney branched out a bit more. That may be because he was four years closer to the low point of the Iraq war and some of the Bush-era advisers on foreign policy were still too damaged.
The thing is, though, it's not just "the past three" Republican administrations. 17/21 worked for the George W. Bush administration. And as I see it, the full-scale invasion of a foreign country that had nothing to do with the 9/11 terror attacks and posed no threat to the United States should permanently damage the careers of those who started it. That's another topic altogether, but it's one of the biggest reasons that I believe a third Bush administration needs to be stopped in its tracks.
At any rate, Jeb has deep pockets and will be a serious contender for the Republican nomination. However, he also has vulerabilities, and one of those is - again, no joke - his friendship with an actual vampire. Like, a vampire who drinks blood and everything. I give you Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey. Go ahead and read the whole article. I'll wait.
According to a 2006 interview from Zulkey, Sharkey explained his relationship with Jeb thus:
How did you come to be friendly with Jeb Bush?
In 1994 I was working on his first campaign for governor with the Hillsborough Republican Party (Tampa, FL). I was also involved with his 1998 campaign for governor as well. I stayed in touch with him over the years.
There's even a photograph of the two of them together, from Sharkey's old web site. That's him on the left, minus the blood dripping from his mouth.
Sharkey is not just a harmless weirdo who thinks he's a vampire. He has a history of threatening politicians and other public officials, for which he served jail time in Indiana, and most disturbingly a history of unlawful conduct with underage girls. Despite all that, he has dabbled in politics himself, running for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and President in 2004 and 2008. He also filed for the Republican presidential primary in 2012, but never followed through with a campaign. Needless to say, none of those runs garnered much support.
Sharkey has been the subject of two independent documentaries, Impaler from 2007 and Impaled: Painfully Blunt from 2009. Both should be required viewing for anyone hoping to sabotage Jeb's shot at the Republican nomination, as they are filled with all sorts of weirdness that may prove exploitable.
For example, Jeb cannot win the Republican primaries without support from Christian conservatives. But here's what Sharkey had to say about Christianity in general:
How do you plan to engage Christian voters who might be turned off by your beliefs? You say on your website, "I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy."
A lot of Christians enjoy the fact I am honest. At least I haven’t trashed Jesus. Hopefully they will be open to my platform.
Sharkey also claims to have cast a "death curse" on one of his uncles:
According to your website, your first spell ever was a Death Curse. How did you cast this, on whom, and what was the result?
My mother was a Hecate Witch, and through her I learn how to do curses. I did a curse on one of my uncles, and he died a while later. It was a painful death. I am glad, he deserved it.
And here's what he had to say about Roman Catholics:
Are there any unexpected similarities between your current faith and your original, Roman Catholicism?
Catholic profess cannibalism and blood feeding during a mass. Hence, they are in one way they are worse, than us blood feeders.
Where's Bill Donohue when you actually need him?
All that is just from one short interview. There's more, I promise. Here at Augoeides I have been following The Impaler's career for some time, because Sharkey's story presents an intersection of politics, occultism, and high weirdness that is perfect for the blog. Some of my older stories about him were lost when I transitioned this site from Scoop to Blogger in 2006, but here are two from 2009 and one more from 2011:So whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, or an Independent, if you shudder at the thought of another Bush presidency and more endless stupid wars in the Middle East, you should share this article far and wide. Get this information into the national media. Make it an issue for the primary debates. Prompt reporters to ask Jeb about his association with Sharkey and vampires in general at every turn.
Because if Jeb becomes known as "the vampire candidate" I expect that his support will plummet and his donors will desert him. Even on the Republican side of the aisle there are better choices for President than yet another Bush whose foreign policy will be little more than the continuation of that pursued by the last one. And as far as I know none of those candidates have vampires in their closets.
1 comment:
Scott,we know what to do on this one ;)
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