Censor the Naked Bike Ride!

Portland, Oregon and Minneapolis, Minnesota have something of a rivalry going over which is the best large city in the country for cycling. Portland held the title for years and years, but in 2010 Minneapolis finally captured the top spot after investing in over a hundred miles of bike trails that now connect most of the metro area. Since then, the top ranking has bounced back and forth between the two cities.

One bicycling event, though, that I doubt I will ever see in Minneapolis is the annual Naked Bike Ride, which is scheduled for this coming Saturday. It's a little known fact in the rest of the country that in Portland, riding a bicycle is an exception to public laws against nudity. So you can legally ride a bike naked, you just can't hop off and walk it without putting some clothes on. It surprises me a bit that it has taken so long, but this year a local evangelist is launching a campaign against naked cycling, called "Censor the Naked Bike Ride."

It's a crime against Jesus that one brave citizen is trying to, if not stop, at least ameliorate. Jake Zimmermann of SavePortlandFromHell.com, whose previous efforts include "See You at the Strip Pole," is taking the fight for souls to the streets with an action called "Censor the Naked Bike Ride."

As the event listing says: "Join us and hundreds of Christian volunteers, as we take Exodus 28:42 to the streets. Armed with bed sheets and teamed up in two’s, we’ll minister to the community by covering the bike-streakers as they peddle through our neighborhoods." If you can't come yourself, Zimmermann suggests donating sheets to Lake Bible Church in Lake Oswego.

So apparently, what's going to happen is that as naked riders go by, these true believers will follow them as long as they can holding up sheets. Really? It makes me think this has to be some sort of joke action, because it sounds like something out of The Onion. The sheer impracticality of it boggles, but I expect that watching these protesters try will make for some big laughs. I can't be in Portland for the ride, but hopefully somebody can take some videos and post them online. I'd really like a chance to see it, and get in some serious pointing and laughing.

Because even if this campaign is all a big joke, I expect that watching the festivities will prove especially hilarious.