Friday, January 16, 2009

Bring Me My Illuminati Millions!

This shocking expose reveals the truth about the Illuminati, their minions, and the most frightening secret of the great occult conspiracy:


Listen, Illuminati Overlords, I've been carrying water for you for almost twenty years. I practice magick. I develop new techniques that increase the effectiveness of rituals and make them available online to anyone who wants to learn how to embrace magical power. I teach people how to cast spells and answer questions, even stupid ones. I'm a member of fraternal and magical orders that certainly should be plugged in to the conspiracy.


I'll make this easy on you. Hand over the cash within thirty days and I'll forget the whole thing. With all the work I've done it should be up to a couple million dollars by now. It's not like it's even all that much money from your perspective, at least according to the expose's unimpeachable source:

His name is John Todd (also Cristopher Kollyns). In 1972, when Todd was "saved," and exposed the Illuminati, he ruled a 13-state US region consisting of 5000 covens, i.e. totaling 65,000 priests and priestesses. That's just the ministers, not the congregation.

Wow, he must have known Mike Warnke! That makes for two totally incompetent minions! If they got paid when I haven't, that's just insulting.

Amazingly, I stumbled upon Todd just last week.This champion of humanity would be unknown today but for a website maintained by "James", an American living in Japan and another belonging to the redoubtable WesPenre.

Skeptics say that if the Illuminati were real, there would be defectors. There ARE plenty of defectors; clinics that deal with victims of CIA mind control and satanic ritual abuse are full of them.

But the vocal ones get put away. In 1987 Todd was framed "for rape" and sentenced to 30 years. According to Fritz Springmeier, when Todd was freed in 1994, he was "picked up by a helicopter" and murdered. ("Bloodlines of the Illuminati" p.93)

But James' website has a record of Todd being released from prison in South Carolina in April 2004 and then being re-incarcerated in the "Behavioral Disorder Treatment Unit" of the South Carolina Dept. of Mental Health.

So what, you tried to kill him and botched the job? I mean, let's face it - some of the folks you have working for you are complete idiots and I could do a better job in my sleep. As another example, how about this little gambit that has been, shall we say, other than successful?

Todd traces his defection to a meeting that took place around Labor Day 1972. They had received eight letters by diplomatic pouch from London.

"Dr. [Raymond] Buckland cut the seal on it and took out six letters that were sealed with this Illuminati crest. The first four were just business, money that we were to pay here and there and so on. Actually, the Grand Druid Council is nothing but glorified bankers, they write millions of dollars worth of checks to people in political and religious fields every month. But the last two letters led me to want to get out.

And here I thought all Ray Buckland did was write books on witchcraft bitching about how evil ceremonial magicians are, I guess because we dare to associate the dagger with Air instead of Fire. My bad!

"Now even though I was a part of setting up a world government, I always kind of snickered that [this] was ever going to happen, that we were serious, that it was kind of a little game we were playing. As long as the Rothschilds had all of the money to spend on our plans, we went ahead and spent the money. So I never took it seriously until we opened the last two letters.

"Now in the first letter that we opened of those last two, was a chart, and in that chart it listed an eight-year plan for world take-over ending in the December month of 1980. ...Next, the last letter we opened contained--now I'll have to quote it and then I'll have to explain, it, since witches say English but they say words that may not mean anything to you

Whatever the hell that means. I think your infernal legion of the night could probably use some remedial English instruction. But anyway...

--it said: "We have found a man whom we believe to be the son of Lucifer. We believe that through his works and our backing he can become ruler of this world, stop all wars, and bring peace, finally, to this war-stricken World." Now that literally meant that we had found a person so fantastically-powered that he could convince people he was their only salvation. Now that literally meant in Christian terms, he was demon-possessed like nobody had ever seen!"

Wow, the Son of Lucifer. You mean to tell me that you've had the Son of Lucifer on your side all this time and STILL FAILED? It's freaking 2009, folks! It's time to face facts: you need a better business plan and better employees, and it helps to pay us what we're worth. Pay up my millions in a timely fashion and I'll consider a reasonable offer of employment, but otherwise, consider yourselves On Notice!

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yuzuru said...

Well, we still have until 2012 to the real Antichrist please stand up


Ananael Qaa said...

Says who? The Mayans? As far as I know, the Mayan calendar is the origin of 2012 as a significant date, though others have taken it as a jumping off point for their own theories. Does that mean the Christian God is really a Mayan deity?

Hail Itzamna! ;-)

yuzuru said...

Why not ?
Hopefully there will be zombies too.
Maybe the ragnarok could begin in 2012, also ? So, all the end of the worlds could begin together !

suecae_disco said...

Hilarious stuff really. I would settle for less then a couple of millions. Just give me a couple of hundreds of thousands of dollars and I will be fine!

But one thing bogs my mind. Why is most websites that are part of this NWO-conspiracy not more skillfully programmed. All these masonic groups should be in the forefront in cloud-programming and web 2.0, donchathink?

Ananael Qaa said...

Hopefully there will be zombies too.

Damn straight. Bring on the zombie apocalypse!

But one thing bogs my mind. Why is most websites that are part of this NWO-conspiracy not more skillfully programmed.

Easy - because the people they employ are idiots. Now, if they pay up my millions they can hire me and their IT infrastructure will be spotless within a few months.

suecae_disco said...

What if these Zombies would be the good fellas... Wouldn't that be a good twist to the ole' the end of the world scenario?

SME said...

How can anyone still believe in John Todd, the guy who said "Dark Shadows" was based on the secret Illuminati diaries of his family?! He was Warnke on extra-heavy doses of stupid!

Ananael Qaa said...

He was Warnke on extra-heavy doses of stupid!

I'm pretty amazed myself that there are still people putting this stuff out there, but conspiracy theorists are usually pretty obsessed with whatever "master plan" they think thay have uncovered.

I didn't know about the "Dark Shadows" thing. That's funny!