Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Unleash the Beast

I first came across this image awhile back and figured that it had to be a joke. The "skeptic society" tag at the bottom sold the deal; it had to be a parody of how the irrational thought processes of conspiracy theorists associate all sorts of coincidental nonsense with grand, evil plans.

I kept a copy because I thought it was funny, but as it turns out it's not some made-up spoof. Apparently, sincere conspiracy theorists actually believe that the Biblical account of the apocalypse is really all about a brand of energy drink. As implausible as that last sentence sounds, now there's a video that's been making the rounds on the Internet.

There are a couple of things I completely fail to understand about this concept. Let's say that all the "symbolism" is deliberate. Does it matter? As a practicing occultist I can tell you that it takes a lot more to enchant something than writing a few Hebrew letters on it - you know, if that's even what they are. So drinking out of a can with some symbols on it is not going to harm anyone.

And let's say that Monster Energy is really what the prophecies in the Book of Revelation are all about. That sure would constitute a whole lot of effort on the part of God, John of Patmos, and the church to make sure people knew ahead of time that this particular energy drink would exist. If this is indeed the case, wouldn't it make more sense if God's been putting us on the whole time with this apocalypse business?

"Two thousand years of hype, and there you go! It comes in a can!" Cue celestial laughter.

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BarefootDreamer said...

Lucky I refrain from drinking such satanic beverages. Actually, I'm pretty sure the lady in the video you posted was channeling satan. A lot of so-called christians seem to be doing that. Either that or they're just really angry and bitter ;)

Unknown said...

Mark it on your calendars to go to the next Red Bull airshow, and asked to get baptized in the stuff. That way u'll be carried to heaven on a BMX leaving the unraptured Monster drink guzzlers to suffer through the apocalypse or whatever. I mean imagine all the tacky green spandex Satan's minions will be wearing, imma go burn some incense to a can of Red Bull right now...

Scott Stenwick said...

The original poster took the video down, but I found another copy. This thing is viral - it's too late to stop it now.

So Melissa, are you saying the reason Red Bull "gives you wings" is that it turns you into an angel? I suppose that makes as much sense as the video does!

Unknown said...

Melissa is no longer available for comment as she is currently co-authoring an important eschatological work with Texe Marrs entitled 'The New World Order Uncanned, imbibing the energy of Satan' ...or whatever, it should be hitting small town book shops in about a fortnight....yeah...that's enough time.