Thursday, May 7, 2015

Call The Masonic Police!

It sounds like something out of a Monty Python skit. An aide to California's Attorney General was arrested along with two other people on suspicion of impersonating police officers. The three were involved in an organization called the "Masonic Fraternal Police Department," which apparently has nothing to do with legitimate police work or regular Masonry.

For whatever reason, these brainiacs thought that it would be a good idea to meet with regular police organizations, who quickly realized that they were basically fantasists. Or LARPers. Or whatever the hell the term is for people who make up a nonsensical origin story and think that because of it they can run around pretending to be cops. It gives the term "secret police" whole new meaning.

On April 29, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department served arrest warrants to three people “on suspicion of impersonating police officers,” a local CBS affiliate reports. Officers arrested Brandon Kiel, David Henry, and Tonette Hayes, all members of the “Masonic Fraternal Police Department.” Kiel is the deputy director of community affairs at California’s Justice Department and an aide to Harris, according to the LA Times. He held the title of chief deputy director with the Masonic Fraternal Police Department.

Police became aware of the rogue police force after the MFPD sent letters to various police departments throughout the state of California to ask for meetings. In late January, the organization sent letters to police chiefs in Southern California asserting its legal authority and announcing changes in its leadership. Officers who met with the group quickly became suspicious after their members failed to answer basic questions about the Masonic police department.

“Detectives conducted a thorough investigation in collaboration with several law enforcement agencies and determined MFPD was not a legitimate police agency,” Los Angeles County Sheriff’s department said. Police obtained badges, identification cards, weapons, uniforms and police-type vehicles after searching the suspects’ homes.

What this sounds like to me is that this is some sort of police-themed fraternal group along the lines of those that were popular over a century ago. I suppose the degrees would be "Officer," "Detective," and "Captain," or something like that. There was no mention of whether or not fake guns or clubs are part of their regalia, but they certainly would fit. And obviously, instead of robes or aprons they wear knockoff police uniforms complete with fake badges.

Which, frankly, is really, really dumb. It also has the distinction of being one of the saddest conspiracies I've ever heard of. It wouldn't necessarily surprise me to find that the "organization" consists of just these three people and a sub-par website with a bunch of password-protected content.

If you happen to be a police-LARPer who might be interested in this group, you're out of luck. There's no information on how to join, though I have hard time seeing why anyone would want to.

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