Thursday, April 1, 2021

Gay Satan an Abomination

Conservative Christians have been up in arms lately about a rap video by Lil Nas X, in which he seduces Satan and makes himself King of Hell. The video checks a lot of boxes - most conservative Christians don't like rap to begin with, and imagery of Hell and Satan in music usually attracts their ire. But one conservative Christian, tracked down by the crack reporting staff at The Onion, explained the real outrage behind it all - the music video dared to accuse Satan of the abomination that is homosexuality.

Decrying the depiction as “sacrilege,” local conservative Christian Elizabeth Dillon told reporters Tuesday she was deeply offended by a music video from rap artist Lil Nas X that implied Satan was a homosexual. “Nowhere in the Bible does Satan receive a lap dance, least of all from another man,” said Dillon, who was just one of thousands of worshippers across the country outraged by the depiction of the fallen angel as anything other than a devout Christian. “Satan embraces sin, but not that sin. He has a wife, you know, and three young demonic children. And sure, he tempted Christ, but never in a sexual way. Satan simply couldn’t be any straighter.” At press time, a horrified Dillon had realized that Satan was bisexual.

It simply is amazing to me that even the Prince of Darkness doesn't get a break from these folks. Who cares if Satan is gay? It seems to me that if you're not looking to date someone, their sexual orientation is none of your business. So are conservative Christians really wanting to boink the Devil? It seems to me that would be a much bigger story than an allegedly offensive music video, and when it breaks I'll be reporting it for you right here on Augoeides.

Happy April Fools Day, folks!

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Charles R said...

Heck, that was so convincing! Just nailed the way fundamentalists think. Are you a closet Evangelical, I wonder? Just saying.....

Scott Stenwick said...

This was of course posted on April Fool's Day, so the linked article is a joke... mostly.

To be serious for a moment, in my teens I did attend an Evangelical church for about six months, long enough to understand the mindset and realize that going forward I wanted nothing to do with it. One of the things that drove me nuts about their theology was that sins were only really sins if they had to do with sexuality, and everything else got a pass for the most part. From what I see in the news, that still is going on with Evangelicals today.