Thursday, September 25, 2008

Lame Anti-Christ Attacks Roman Priest

The anti-Christ has been revealed, and boy is he pathetic.

Marco Luzi, a 25-year-old Italian man, has been arrested for stabbing a priest after watching the film version of "The Da Vinci Code" the night before. A note in Luzi's pocket read "This is just the beginning, 666." Another note found his apartment began with "I, the anti-Christ." So what can we conclude? It would appear that the anti-Christ is obsessed with mediocre film versions of pulp novels. Not only that, but he takes them seriously. Very seriously.

Apparently Luzi's dark omniscient mind must have missed the part where several of the main source documents for Baigent, Leigh, and Lincoln's The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, mined liberally for many of the plot elements of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, turned out to be complete forgeries. I mean, maybe Satan is the father of lies, but wouldn't you at least expect his representative on Earth to be aware of facts that any regular newspaper reader would know?

Also, should it disturb the forces of darkness that their all-powerful champion, charged with winning a global war against the powers of God and the Kingdom of Heaven, was unable to successfully kill an unarmed 68-year-old man? While the priest is in critical condition in a Roman hospital, he did survive the attack. I guess we won't be needing any tanks for the battle of Armageddon - against this loser sticks and rocks are probably overkill.

On the other hand, if Luzi truly is in league with Mickey Mouse and thus has access to the awesome malevolent power of the Disney corporation, all bets may be off.

UPDATE: More signs of an impending low-budget Apocalypse? Road signs bearing the number 666 (or variants like 66.6) have been disappearing all across the United States. Perhaps these will be the weapons wielded by the Armies of Darkness in preference to anything effective, like, say, guns.

UPDATE II: Another sign? The Virgin Mary appears in the window of an abandoned Massachusetts building, as opposed to someplace useful.

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