Monday, March 29, 2010

Opossum Resurrection Fails, Alcohol Involved

Here's one from the "where the hell do you find these people?" file. A Pennsylvania man was arrested and charged with public drunkenness after witnesses claimed that he attempted to resurrect a dead opossum along the side of a highway.

State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

It's hard to determine the exact magical method employed because the witness descriptions lack some key details, but regardless of technique drunken magick is almost always a bad idea. This case is no exception.

The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Wolfe attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

So it might be some sort of energy work, though I don't know of any energy work technique offhand that involves mouth-to-mouth with the dead. That can result in some nasty diseases, especially given the condition of this particular animal.

Levier says the animal already had been dead a while.

So is there any chance that this could have worked, maybe with a more recently deceased opossum? As medical science has found the line between life and death is not necessarily as absolute as people once thought. Nevertheless, I would really like to know in what twisted alternate universe performing CPR on roadkill is a good idea, with or without arcane gestures - and I expect I'll be waiting awhile for an answer.

Drunken magick - just don't do it, especially in front of witnesses. And especially if it involves dead things.

Technorati Digg This Stumble Stumble


Rufus Opus said...


Dude, it totally reminds me of two things.

One, I was 11 and found a dead field mouse. I took it to this work shed on our property, and prayed and prayed for Jesus to resurrect the mouse. First attempt at necromancy in my life, total FAIL.

Two, my daughter accidentally drowned a ferret while giving him a bath. We tried mouth to mouth when it quit breathing. Weasel CPR is disgusting.

Oddly enough, I have no drunken magic stories. I may have done some magic in my drinking days, but memories of those events are long-since dissolved by the alcohol.

Scott Stenwick said...

Unfortunately, I don't have any good drunken magick stories either. I'm kind of sensitive to alcohol so if I'm not careful about my drinking I pretty much go straight from kind of tipsy to way too sick to do anything magical. But if my sensitivity saves me from perfoming CPR on a dead animal even once, I have to admit it strikes me as worth putting up with.