Friday, July 8, 2011

Bristol Issues Zombie Attack Guide

Apparently all of England is not as unprepared for a zombie invasion as Leicester, which was confronted with an outbreak of the undead only a week after admitting there was no plan in place for handling one. The city council of Bristol has released a guide that includes the explanation of a coded zombie alert system and instructions for residents on how the walking dead can be safely killed. Bristol is thus leading the way for the entire United Kingdom on this issue.

The document shows the best way to kill those bothersome reanimated corpses. It outlines a four-stage alert system following an invasion and says codewords will be used to provide secret instructions to the public.

The brief also includes details of how people can equip themselves with weapons, such as stun guns and protective suits.

Bristol city council has set out the advice in response to a Freedom of Information request.

In its ‘Contingency Plan For Handling Zombie Outbreaks in Bristol’, it says the moment to get really worried is when infections hit 30 per cent – or ‘zombie pandemic level’.

This is when you’ll need to kill a zombie correctly, and the public is reminded to fully disconnect the brain-stem from the body through blunt force or full head removal.

But it might be best just to head for a council building, where somebody might know what to do.

Some of this information is actually useful, even to a fan of horror films like myself. For example, I had no idea that zombies would be susceptible to stun guns. I guess there must still be some sort of electromagnetism still running through their nervous systems that can be disrupted as opposed to phlogiston or industrial radiation or spirits or any of the other possible explantions offered by popular media. I will say that even if I had one, though, I'd be worried about getting close enough to use it for fear of infection.

As I've mentioned previously, the risk of mass zombification is low, but nonetheless it's good to have a plan. You know, just in case.

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Gordon said...

My gods I miss living in Bristol.

We were renting an old barracks which had giant, heavy doors into a walled courtyard. I used to fantasize about a zombie apocalypse. (But then I usually do.)

Fun fact: word verification is wrazing... phonetically quite exciting.

Pallas Renatus said...

Who wants to start a pool on how long it will be until some idiot starts running around tasering people and saying the government told him to do it?