Jesus Arrested in Russia

Here's a question for everyone worried about the current state of the world, political and otherwise. Lots of people online have noted that there are at least an unusual number of similarities between Donald Trump and the description of The Beast from the Book of Revelation. Yeah, I know, 666 is Kaiser Nero and all that, so it likely refers to events that happened two thousand years ago.

But stay with me here. What if this guy really is Jesus?

Russian authorities mounted a special operation to arrest a former traffic police officer who claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus and has run a cult based in the depths of Siberia for the past three decades.

Helicopters and armed officers stormed communities run by Sergei Torop, known to his followers as Vissarion, and arrested him and two of his aides. Russia’s investigative committee said it would charge him with organising an illegal religious organisation, alleging that the cult extorted money from followers and subjected them to emotional abuse.

Torop, 59, with long grey hair and a beard, was led by masked troops to a helicopter. The operation involved agents from Russia’s FSB security service as well as police and other agencies. Vadim Redkin, a former drummer in a Soviet-era boyband who is known as Vissarion’s right-hand man, was also arrested, along with another aide, Vladimir Vedernikov.

Torop, who lost his job as a traffic officer in 1989, claimed he experienced an “awakening” as the Soviet regime began to collapse. In 1991 he founded a movement now known as the Church of the Last Testament. Several thousand followers live in a series of remote hamlets in the Krasnoyarsk region in Siberia. Converts to the cult have included professionals from across Russia as well as pilgrims from abroad.

And yeah, I also know there's no evidence that any of the many folks over the years who have claimed to be Jesus are the real thing. Torop's story doesn't sound very convincing either. But again, stay with me. If Trump is the Beast, and Torop is Jesus, then the way forward to fix the world is clear. All we need to do is drop Trump (The Beast) and Torop (Jesus) into an arena and have them fight.

When Jesus wins - which he should since Torop is more than a decade younger and appears to be in much better shape, and besides look at the size of those hands - all of the prophecies will be fulfilled and the world will go back to normal.

One can hope, right?