Friday, June 5, 2015

Your Home in Middle-Earth

If you happen to be a magician looking for a home here in the Twin Cities suitable for use as a sorcerous lair, here's your chance. This one-of-kind house in Northeast Minneapolis looks just like something out of a fantasy novel. Better still, it's not a massively expensive suburban monstrosity like the last unique property I profiled, Poseidon's Fortress.

From the outside the house is relatively unassuming, with rich brown wood siding. The lot is lovingly landscaped, with stone paths and steps leading through a maze of carefully selected plants and shrubs. Only the wolf spirit guardian depicted on the garage door, shown below, marks this as the home of a mighty wizard.

Inside, though, the magical decor is everywhere, and impossible to ignore. This is the kitchen shown below. Seriously. It looks more like a workshop for brewing up alchemical elixirs and spagyric tinctures than an area for cooking food.

A stairway seemingly sculpted from amalgamated river rock rises from the rustic first floor.

This opens up into a large octagonal room which could only serve as your working temple. Imagine standing in this space like Saruman atop his tower, conjuring dashing wind and blinding snow against your foes.

Even the bedroom is appropriately decked out, though in order to really appreciate it cultivating a love of animal prints is highly recommended.

The home does have a few minor drawbacks. It only has one bedroom and one bathroom so as to leave room for all that potential ritual space, but let's face it, housing minions usually just complicates plans for aspiring wizard-lords. It only has a single-car garage, but when you're busy unlocking the mysteries of the universe, who has time to tool around in a car?

So if you happen to be interested in this home, or for that matter buying or selling any piece of property in the Twin Cities metro area, the person to contact is my good friend Michele Montserrat, who works as a realtor with Coldwell Banker Burnet. She just toured this place, and tells me that it's not to be missed. You can also "like" her page on Facebook to receive updates on various aspects of the Twin Cities real estate market.

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1 comment:

I. A. E. said...

Wow! This seems like the perfect house for an occultist who's also a bachelor, or maybe a temporary dwelling for someone undertaking an especially involved 'retreat' (such as the Abramelin operation). Small as it may be, it's a beautiful building.