All Hail the Prophet!

The prophet in question, of course, being me. Last week I posted my prophetic prediction that the current war in Iran would not bring on The Rapture or the return of Jesus. Apparently some of the "Jesus dorks" mentioned in the meme accompanying that article predicted that the Rapture would happen on March 22nd or March 23rd of this year. Today is March 24th, which means I'm right again. Still a true prophet, folks!

As this is the Thelemic Holy Season, our lodge is doing the Office of the Readings at this time. Our version of the Office of the Readings include not just the Holy Books of Thelema and the writings of Aleister Crowley, but also additional texts from some of the saints named in the Gnostic Mass. Regarding prophecy, one of our readings is from Saint Hippolytus, an important early Christian thinker. The reading from Christ and Antichrist, includes the following:

For as the blessed prophets were made, so to speak, eyes for us, they foresaw through faith the mysteries of the word, and became ministers of these things also to succeeding generations, not only reporting the past, but also announcing I the present and the future, so that the prophet might not appear to be one only for the time being, but might also predict the future for all generations, and so be reckoned a (true) prophet. For these fathers were furnished with the Spirit, and largely honoured by the Word Himself; and just as it is with instruments of music. so had they the Word always, like the plectrum, in union with them, and when moved by Him the prophets announced what God willed.

For they spoke not of their own power (let there be no mistake as to that ), neither did they declare what pleased themselves. But First of all they were endowed with wisdom by the Word, and then again were rightly instructed in the future by means of visions. And then, when thus themselves fully convinced, they spoke those things which were revealed by God to them alone, and concealed from all others. For with what reason should the prophet be called a prophet, unless he in spirit foresaw the future? For if the prophet spoke of any chance event, he would not be a prophet then in speaking of things which were under the eye of aIl.

In other words, every "End Times" prophet in all of history was and is a false prophet. They all predicted that the world would end on a specific date, and the world is still here. I, on the other hand, have made fun of those folks every time and predicted that they would be wrong every time. They were wrong, which makes me a true prophet - at least according to Hippolytus!

Obviously I have no desire to be regarded as a Christian prophet since I'm a Thelemite, but anybody taken in by one of these predictions should take a long hard look at all the times I've called out End Times predictions on this blog. They're always wrong, every single time. I genuinely feel for folks taken in by scammers like Harold Camping years ago. Some of them gave up their entire lives to become full-time evangelists because they believed he was a real prophet and the world was ending - and then nothing happened.

My next prophetic prediction is the same one I made in the previous post - no Rapture or Apocalypse or End Times will take place because of the ongoing stupid war in Iran. When the war ends without any such event, you can bet I'll go ahead and make fun of the "Jesus dorks" one more time!